Transcription
Those of us who are Romantics at heart often fantasized about that perfect "if we were a movie" love. Even if you're not a romantic, you might still want a special someone by your side to lean on, laugh with, cry to, and cuddle the heck out of at the end of a bad day. Remember Jim and Pam from The Office? Despite all their ups and downs, they still had a beautiful romance. They trusted each other, supported each other's dreams, and were lovers and best friends at the same time. Sickening, but like, I want that too.
Sometimes real-life relationships aren't very Jim and Pam. Sometimes they look more like a mild version of Ryan and Kelly: a little dysfunctional and pretty toxic. Toxic behaviors can creep into your relationship whether you mean to or not. What are some of those common behaviors that can kill a relationship? Keep watching to find out.
Number one: I'm sorry. Sometimes partners can unintentionally hurt each other. Maybe a joke goes too far, or their cooking gets criticized a little bit too much. When our partner is genuinely hurt, this should be a sign to apologize. Avoiding that apology or never giving one is one common behavior that can kill a relationship. Sometimes it can be a bit difficult to say sorry. On the outside, it may seem we're too proud to apologize. Beneath the surface, we may feel afraid to admit we made a mistake. It can be scary to feel like we're inadequate or guilty. No matter how hard it may be to utter that small but meaningful "sorry," it can actually save your relationship in the long run. A 2017 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that if you offer a sincere apology, the other person is much more likely to forgive you. Another research study from 2014 showed that apologies reduce feelings of anger. Basically, a simple but sincere apology can help get rid of all of the negative tension between you two. Do you sometimes feel awkward apologizing even though you would like to try? Writing it out? No, not a text that says "sorry." Pour your heart out and apologize with a letter or small note on the fridge. We bet your partner will definitely appreciate it.
Number two: Attached to you. Ancient Greeks talked about the mysteries of love and gave it its own story. According to their mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces, but only one heart. Zeus became afraid their powers would overcome his own, so he split them into two separate parts. Those parts then spent their lives in search of their other halves. This piece of mythology explains why romance is sometimes described as "two bodies, one soul." But is that really the case? Sometimes those in relationships can develop an unhealthy dependency on their partners when they become emotionally attached or lose their sense of identity outside of the relationship. A 2018 study showed that emotional dependence in a relationship can be a sign of childhood trauma and preoccupied attachment. If you have developed this unhealthy attachment, you might neglect all of your friends and only hang out with your partner. You also might depend on your partner for emotional comfort instead of regulating emotions on your own. Do you feel like you don't know who you are without your partner, or like you depend on them? This could be another trait that's killing your relationship.
Number three: My crystal ball is broken. Communication is the key to relationships. This may sound a bit cliché, but numerous psychological studies over the years proved the importance of clear communication with your partner. For example, a 2021 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin showed that your relationship may flourish if you avoid negative communication patterns like making assumptions. When you and your partner don't communicate your needs and wants with each other, you're forcing each other to read each other's minds. You might assume what the other one is thinking or put incorrect labels on each other. For example, your partner might feel tired from a 12-hour shift at work, but you assume they're mad at you and uninterested in speaking to you. You say things like, "What did I do to you now?" or "So, you're just giving me the silent treatment now? You're angry for no reason?" And your partner may now be confused or am I getting angry back? This whole situation escalated because communication didn't happen. To avoid putting yourself in such situations, make sure to communicate your wants and needs clearly. Maybe your partner tells you how exhausted they are when they get home. Maybe you ask why they're being so quiet. If you find yourself trying to assume your partner's wants and needs, just stop and ask. More times than not, your assumption will not be completely true.
Number four: Micromanaging. Okay, you found the love of your life. As your relationship starts to progress, you and your partner may start spending more time with one another. Sleeping over at each other's places may happen so often to where you end up moving in together. This can be when you start noticing little things about your partner that may just irk you. For example, they might leave their clothes all over the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, or putting your cereal in the wrong cupboard. When that happens, how do you respond? One common response that can kill a relationship is micromanaging. This is when you try to control every aspect of another person, including their actions. Clinical psychologist Karen Nemo said on Medium, "The micromanagers often have extremely high standards, so they struggle to trust their partners to do things as well as they do." This type of controlling behavior can drive the other side crazy. They might start feeling incompetent, resentful, or anxious, wondering if they can ever do anything right. If you are micromanaging your partner, this could be a sign of other mental health diagnoses, such as anxiety or potentially obsessive-compulsive disorder. If you feel like you're micromanaging, reach out to a mental health professional to help stop this behavior that could be killing your relationship.
A list of toxic behaviors is kind of endless. If you want to learn about five more relationship-killing behaviors, check out part one here. Do you know any other common behaviors that can make relationships fizzle out? Let us know in the comments below. Until then, please leave a like if you found this video helpful. Take care.