Transcription
Pat. What are you doing? I got to go, man. Why? I can't stay. Come on. I I I I made a mistake. I shouldn't have worn this. Dude, you're fine. I like that jersey. I wish I was wearing that jersey.
"Are you comfortable?" Veronica's not going to like it. "Get over here." Plus, you got a tie. "it." You're the guest of honor. You come over. You want to come. Really? Get over here. DeSean Jackson's in the house. You mean Rookie of the Year? Yeah. DeSean Jackson? DeSean Jackson? Oh, you wore a jersey to dinner. Isn't it awesome? Not for dinner. Look, he got us flowers. Oh. Oh, that's sweet. That's sweet, Pat. And one more thing. Look at the Hey. Check this out. We just redid the whole thing. Ow.
[laughter] "Tremendous." Isn't it great? "Tremendous." Yeah, man. I'm I'm thinking of redoing it again. Why? Because we're going to upgrade. "to do that?" Yeah, we're doing all right, man. I can't complain. Isn't the market down, though? It is down, Bill. You know, but she wants more, so I'm giving her more, man. You know, my dad lost his pension. I'm sorry, man. A lot of people, man. My uncle, too. Really?
Yeah, but you know what? No disrespect. It's not personal, but this is the time to strike. You start snapping up commercial real estate cheap. Flip it over. You flip it over, and that's when you make the money. But, the pressure. Man, it's like You okay? I'm not okay, and don't tell anybody. Listen to I feel like I'm getting crushed, and "Crushed by what?" Everything. The family, the baby, the job, the [ __ ] dicks at work. And it's like, you know, like I'm trying to do this, you know, and and and I'm and then I'm like suffocating. Holy [ __ ] You can't be happy all the time. Who told you you can't be happy? "It's all right." You just do your best. You have no choice. That's not true at all. You just can't.
Ronnie. I hope you're okay with Ronnie's sister coming over. You okay with that? Cool. Ronnie's sister. Tiffany, Tiffany, and Tommy. Yeah, I'm just Tiffany. What happened to Tommy? He died. Tommy died? Cops die. How'd he die? Please, don't bring it up. "No, how did he die?" "I just said" "How did who die?" Hey, Tiffany. This is Pat. Pat. Sister-in-law, Tiffany. You look nice. Thank you. I'm not flirting with you. I didn't think you were. I just see that you made an effort and I'm going to be better with my wife. I'm working on that. Want to acknowledge her beauty. I never used to do that. I'm going to do that now cuz we're going to be better than ever, Nikki. Just practicing. How'd Tommy die? What about your job? I just got fired, actually. Oh, really? How? I mean, I'm sorry. How How'd that happen? Does it really matter?
Baby. How's it going? Great. Great. I want to show you the house. Oh, baby, come and show them the house. Please, please, please, please, please. Oh, house? The whole house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it'll be fun. It'll be fun. We're going to go on a tour now. We're going to go on a tour as well. "the house." Let's go Let's go for the tour. I I I've been planning this forever. I love our house. I love our house. I'm really excited about it. Come on. Guess what it is. Oh, it's a television. It's a computer screen. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. "oven." It's a brick oven. "light" It's a It's a warmer, warmer, warmer. It's a drawer to mortar and pestle. Don't think so, don't think so, honey. And they shoot him with formaldehyde. Where would the body Where would the body go though? It's a joke. It's a fireplace. In the middle of the wall? We have a port in every room. Give me an iPod. Who doesn't have with her? She's got Well, I don't have an iPad. I don't even have a phone. They won't let me make any calls. I think I'm going to call Nikki. Don't worry about it. Don't focus on her. I would call Nikki. I'm actually going to give you one of my iPads. I have an iPad. "Give me your iPad." Give it to me. Thank you, baby. Thank you. I love you. Of all the rooms with iPad ports in, I'm happy you brought us into the bathroom. I can play music for the baby in any room. Can you play Ride the Lightning by Metallica? Pat was a history sub at the high school.
"Tiffany." Ask him about any president. He knows them all. Here's a fun fact. You know where the term okay comes from? No. No, I don't. Where? Well, Martin Van Buren, the eighth president of the United States of America, is from Kinderhook, New York. And he was part of the club, a men's club, called Old Kinderhook. And if you were cool, you were in the club, they'd say that guy is okay, cuz he's in the Old Kinderhooks. Really? Yeah. Pretty cool, right? "That's interesting." You know, Tiffany's been doing this dance thing for years, and she's real good at it. She's going to be competing at the Ben Franklin Hotel. Oh, really? My wife loves dance. Nikki loves dance. Why do you have to talk about me like that? I'm just bragging about you. Can I brag about my little sister? Don't talk about me in the third person. Please, give me a break. I'm right here. Just be nice. Just be nice. Wow. Wow. Wow. Fascinating. Sorry. I don't want to be mean. I know. I know. I know. What meds are you on? Me? None. I used to be on lithium and Seroquel and Abilify, but I don't take them anymore. No. They make me foggy and they also make me bloated. Yeah. I was on Xanax and Effexor, but I agree I wasn't as sharp, so I stopped. "You ever take Klonopin?" Klonopin. Yeah. Right? Jesus. Like, is it what? Yeah. What day is [laughter] it? How about trazodone? Trazodone? Oh, it flattens you out. I mean, you are done. It takes the light right out of your eyes. God, I bet it does.
"I'm tired." I want to go. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We haven't We We haven't even finished the salad yet or or the the duck I mean the fire and ice cake. I said I'm tired. Are you going to walk me home or what? You mean me? Yeah, you. Are you going to walk me home? You poor social skills. You have a problem. I have a problem? You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things. You scare people. "I tell the truth." You You're mean. "What?" I'm not telling the truth? Um maybe I should drive them home separately. No. You can You can drive them both home. No. Stop talking about me in third person. "can take Tiffany home." "it when I have problems." You love it. You love it, Vaughn, cuz then you can be the good one. Just say it. "don't." I don't. I just wanted to have a nice just wanted to have a nice dinner. What is your problem? "Nothing's my problem." I'm fine. I'm tired. I want to go. Come on. Are you ready? You really You really want to go right now? Yes, I really want to go. It's been great. "The baby is sleeping." Sorry. I don't want to wake up the baby. Bye. I'm sorry, man.
[snorts] "This is me." Listen, I haven't dated since before my marriage, so I don't really remember how this works. How what works? I saw the way you were looking at me, Pat. You felt it. I felt it. Don't lie. We're not liars like they are. I live in the addition around back, which is completely separate from my parents' house, so there's no chance of them walking in on us. I hate the fact that you wore a football jersey to dinner because I hate football, but you can [ __ ] me if you turn the lights off, okay? How old are you? Old enough to have marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital. Look, I had a really good time tonight. I think you're really pretty, but I'm married, okay? So am I. No, that's confusing. He's dead. Wait, what? What's happening? Oh my god. Hey.
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