HOW TO HAVE YOUR BEST WILD PHASE | EP 68: "Just Send it" with Tatum Zoe

Hello and welcome to Sex Party. I'm your host, Dustin Ripper. With me on the show this week is Tatum Zoe. Tatum is a sex enthusiast and a podcast host. This episode is wild. This episode is so much [ __ ] fun. Tatum and I talk about a threesome scenario between her, her partner, and a sex doll. We chat about tampons getting stuck inside vaginas during sex. We chat about the anxiety around producing a podcast. Tatum teaches a master class on how to have a perfect hoe phase. Towards the end of the episode, she also goes through the burner. So grab your popcorn, make sure it's buttered, and enjoy my conversation with Tatum Zoe.

This week's conversation. Tatum Zoe, welcome to Sex Party. How are you doing?

Uh, I'm good. We talked a bit earlier about how, um, it is currently in this timeline, it is Monday. Uh, Mondays are not my favorite. I know some [ __ ] Gary Vaynerchuk people out there like, "Mondays rule," and I, I get it, and I love you guys, but like, not for me. So we're dealing with a bit of, um, construction and lack of caffeine, all of the things, you know?

Yeah, well, I think that's the beauty of Monday and what I try, try to like, bring into Mondays is like, we're recording this on a Monday. I'm not sure when your episodes drop. Mine do on the Mondays. I'm like, "Here's one thing to make this a little better." Like, yeah, Monday might suck, but like, let's bring some fun to it in a way.

Yeah, we know how, for sure. Like, that might save someone's life, actually. Like, I'm like, "They're out in the middle of traffic, they're gonna jump in front of a bus and get that notification that you put a new episode out and they're like, 'You know what? Just today. Yeah, not today. I got an episode to listen to, then we'll reevaluate.'" Yeah.

Um, and that's really great too, because I think, uh, your episodes are fun and, and also like, again, we talked a teeny bit about this before we started recording, but like, it's the same thing like with my show. We try to provide value, but like, we might get covered in, in, you know, God knows what on the way to to that value. So everybody buckle up, right?

Yeah, yeah. Um, so for the people who don't know you, they've never seen you, they've never heard you, your name, um, could you talk a little bit about who you are and what you do?

Yeah, um, it's so funny because we were just talking about how I hate introing myself, and here we are. Yeah. But like, do it however, however you want to do it. You can, you could like, uh, you know, you could, you could do something you totally like, pull, uh, something out of your back pocket. Doesn't matter. Whatever you want.

Okay. Well, my name is Tatum. Tatum Zoe on Instagram. I, um, a quick brief on how I started my show is I also am in the lash industry. So that's my, my day job. As I'm, uh, be in the beauty industry. And I, when I was single, I would openly talk about all my clients. Like, I swear people loved coming to me because it was just outlandish conversation, dating stories, stuff like that. And, um, over the last couple years, I, I've been in a relationship and those kind of like dwindled a little bit, you know, because things change. And then I just started thinking, I'm like, saw these podcasts coming up and I'm like, "You know what? I should [ __ ] do that." And I was getting a lot of like empowerment from my clients and my friends. So like, "You'd be so perfect at this. You have the voice for it. Like, you're wild, you know, you put crazy stuff out on Instagram." I think that's the other side of it too, is like, I'm a creator. So I do like to have my own twist on the creativity and post, uh, just outlandish, funny reels on Instagram. And I think that kind of coincided with my podcast and starting the podcast as well. Um, so yeah, that's it. You know, a woman of many trades with a little bit of sarcasm and blue hair and big tits, you know? I don't know. That's just who I am.

No, I see that's like [ __ ] great. Yeah, it's a great intro. You should feel more confident about introing yourself. That was perfect.

Yeah. Okay, so here's my thing, really quick. I just wanted to say like, I don't feel like I'm great at being interviewed. I think sometimes I like go off and I don't even think I answer the questions most of the time. So like, if you need to just like yell at me and holla back, like we can do that.

I so got you. Like, oh, first of all, I like, uh, guessed it because I've started to like guess on other people's podcasts. Yeah. Gas Dustin is very different from host Dustin. He's a little more, if you can even believe it, he's a little more irresponsible. He's a little more wild. So like, whatever. But no, I totally got you. I think this is gonna be [ __ ] great. Um, I've been chasing you to get on the show for a while. I was like badgering you, like, I don't know, three, three months ago. And, uh, you know, to be a podcast host, I would say 60% of your time is like badgering people to be on your show, right? And I've been really lucky to have guests like you who, who eventually say yes. And, and or maybe, maybe say yes right away or whatever. But, um, and, and they're no, but like, you know, people are busy and going through [ __ ]. Yeah, like we didn't just [ __ ] have three years of a pandemic and political chaos. I get it, trust me. Um, and everybody's like, you know, doing their own thing. But I'm glad to have you here. All that being said, and I think that this is gonna be [ __ ] awesome. And, you know, to jump right in and to your podcast, uh, and your content, really, because there's just something about your personality that I think perfectly suits you as a creator. You do have the blue hair. Yeah. You are making the great [ __ ] reels. Like, the, the one I just watched was like, though, like everyone does, like, "When everything reminds you of him, right?" Okay. And like, but like yours was like really funny because it was like, so like misleading in the way in the sense, you're like, "Oh, there's no way like she's having sex right now." And then like, yeah, and you're like, "Doing a protein shake, right?" Like, very creative, very fun, very sexual. And like, that's the kind of [ __ ] we love around here. And that combined with, um, you know, the episodes I listen to where you're, you are providing value, but like, you're providing it in your own way. So I think that your show, you as a person, like, it all fits. A lot of people, I think, struggle to find their, their takes, a while to find their brand and who they are. But yours seems very well-branded. Is that, is that like something that you, you practice, like tying it all into one thing, or did you just go for it?

Or, I mean, that's a really interesting question and I, I honestly feel so nerd. Like, that was such a great compliment. Also, um, I just, I think the biggest part of like, being in this space and being a creative and, um, and online and showing, you know, kind of wrapping all of these things together is, this is just who I am, you know? So like, I think for me, I really stepped into like the fullest version of myself after I got out of a really abusive relationship. And that was back in like 2018. And it was with someone who literally told me, he's like, "You just post that online because you want attention." And then I was like, "Well, you're damn right. What's wrong with that? Who doesn't? Who doesn't want attention?" And then, you know, like I said, it was a crazy relationship. I dyed my hair blue. I was like, "[ __ ] this, I'm like, gonna be the fullest version of myself." And, you know, sometimes I question like, "Am I really gonna post, you know, me gagging on a banana and slo-mo on Instagram?" But here we are.

Yeah. But like, that's what's great about it is that you can tell that that's you, you know? And, and I do think, you know, coming out of an abusive relationship, let's just like hit that one right away because, did that, did that for, were you, so you were already posting banana gags and and whatever, like, before?

Okay, okay. So you went like full on.

I went, yeah, I went full on.

Was it because like, that was it? Like, the abusive relationship like pushed you to be your full version of yourself to like, [ __ ] that [ __ ] that guy, right? Or whatever, or what was it about the end of that? Did you just feel freer?

Yeah, I think, um, I think it was a little bit of both. I think it was definitely like a big, "[ __ ] that guy." Like, the relationship was, it was very short, but it lasted a very long time as far as like the trauma. And I had to put a restraining order on him. There was a court case, it was like a whole thing. Um, and I, and I think where it stems from is because he was like trying to, what's like, what's the word? Like, dull my shine. Like, trying to like, tell me what to wear. Or like, I would wear a crop top and be like, "Why are you wearing that?" Or I would like feel pretty, like maybe post like a little thirsty thirst trap, and then it was like, "Like, why are you posting that online? Like, we're together," type of thing. Or like, in a bikini or something like that, you know? And I remember so specifically, um, I actually have a photo on Instagram where I was wearing this hoodie. It was like a zip-up hoodie, and I had recently just got my boobs done, and they looked really good. And I'm like, in the mirror, no bra, with this, the hoodie zipped up. And I was like, "I want to [ __ ] post this on Instagram." It was right when I got out of this relationship. And I posted it and I titled the caption, I was like, "My ex always told me that I post stuff like this to get attention. So I call this photo, give me your attention." And it was like, just something about that moment is like, it like ingrained in my head where I was like, "I am never gonna like, pretend to be someone I'm not for another man ever." And that was kind of the start of this, you know, stepping into the fullest version of myself. And not just having these conversations with my friends, but like, with the world, like publicly putting them out online to try and get some feedback or, you know, understanding that like, I'm not the only person going through these things. I'm not the only person talking about sex. Like, I wasn't the only person who like queefed when I was changing positions, you know? It's like something so simple like that where it's like, some people would ridicule you for talking about those things, but then you have 20 people in your DMs being like, "Oh my God, this happened to me too. Like, thank you for sharing." You know?

Yeah, I mean, and that's where the [ __ ] life gold is. And I just think that that is such a [ __ ] everything you just said is such a [ __ ] huge, powerful statement, right? Because we love when someone comes into their own. Like, the, the moment in, in any movie, uh, usually at the end of the [ __ ] training montage, right? Whether it's a boxing movie or a [ __ ] Batman or whatever, but it's like that moment that the person steps into their [ __ ] in the costume for the first time. It's like, "Yeah, let's [ __ ] go. This is gonna be crazy." Then they beat everyone's ass. So like, um, that's you. That's equivalent to your moment right there, posting that [ __ ] hoodie, titty [ __ ] photo. Like, that's the exact same thing. Exact same effect. Because I think when someone comes into their [ __ ] and they get away from some [ __ ] you know, court jester that [ __ ] is trying to keep him down, um, that's a beautiful thing. And I think more people benefit from from from seeing someone being abused. And sorry that that happened to you. And someone being, uh, ridiculed and like, like you said, like your, your shine was dulled. You were being sort of held in a box. And I think, you know, I am a man. I'm gonna go ahead and say it, but like, men, uh, just mentally, I think that the lot of us have this weird thing where we want to keep our pretty little women in these little boxes and [ __ ]. And I think for me, at least personally, you know, I, I just, I grew up around a ton of strong women. And I just never, I had my, my perspective had to flip. And it became this thing where it's like, if everyone in the bar is doesn't want to [ __ ] my girlfriend, I'm not dating the right girlfriend, you know what I mean? Like, that's, that's a great, great way to think about it.

I was gonna say, like, it's like that meme where it's like, if you like a hot girl doing hot [ __ ], then, or if you don't like a hot girl doing hot [ __ ], then don't date a hot girl. It's like, so simple. Yeah. And it's like, these things that we keep getting hung up on. Like, um, for instance, about how, uh, if a dude like sends like a hundred DMs, like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hello, hi," like, whatever, right? And then the girl doesn't respond, and then he's like, "[ __ ], [ __ ]." Wait, what? Actually, that's not, uh, and, you know, if it was like some, some woman who, you know, was, was like in a bikini, you're doing whatever, and she talked to you, she wouldn't be a [ __ ] then, right?

Exactly. Which is interested in here all game. Yeah. And it all, it all comes down to like ego. And like, well, I think when people, mainly men, obviously, act that way, it's such a tell, right? Like, people wear their [ __ ] emotions and [ __ ] on their sleeves. And, and it's like, "Yo, y'all look weak when you get jealous like that." And like, it's so unattractive. Like, it's, it's unattractive on a man, on a woman, on anyone, or on a [ __ ] when your dog gets jealous and acts like an [ __ ]. Like, yeah, jealousy is not a good look on any creature at all. And I, and I think, I think it's normal to get jealous, but it's what you do with it, right? If you don't switch that perspective, if you don't like, whatever. And we like to cover this a lot with like open relationships on the show. It's like, no, no, the jealousy is still there. You just have to figure out like, what is it gonna do for you? And figure. And so learning that has been a really, uh, unique kind of experience that I think is like, really, really valuable, hopefully for the audience too. But when you like stepped out and with your superhero, uh, moment, right? Um, did, did the podcast like then soon follow after that? Or was it a little bit of time? Did you take some time to be in your blue hair, yeah, in your blue hair phase, or whatever?

Um, no, no. I think it was 2021. Um, so I think it was really, it was just a slow process. I think a lot of it just started on Instagram. And, you know, I think Instagram has changed like exponentially in the last even like three, four years. And I really just started posting a lot and doing things for myself. Like, if I like it, if I feel sexy, I'm gonna go for it, you know? And then that kind of, it kind of changed my whole like, the way I think about like relationships and dating people and seeing red flags and listening to the red flags, not just seeing them, but I actually like, you know, tearing them down and following through.

[Music]

Um, so no, I think the podcast came, I think more recently, when I was like, "This is who I am, and I do think like, I have could give some value in this space." And, you know, I just, I like to have a good time. I, I do think that I have a good sense of humor. And I think I'm able to like, relate that in my show. I also realized over the last couple of years that like, I am more anxious than I thought I ever was. And for me, it's like an overwhelming, like conversation of me like talking to myself. So it's great when I have like this space and this outlet to just put all of those like thoughts and comments like onto the microphone and into the world.

Yeah, see, and what I'm gonna say is gonna sound really unhealthy, but hey, that's just par for the course around here. Um, so I, I have like, really high-functioning weirdo anxiety. And so the podcast for me, as I like, grab my sweater and whatever, um, aha, it's like, as long as I'm recording, editing, doing, and there's, as you know, there's, there's 17 and a half full-time jobs that come with with running a podcast. I'm not complaining, but let's, I'm telling the truth. I don't edit my show. I'm like, I'm, I'm pausing myself if I lose my train of thought, and I'm just putting it out. No.

Right. Yeah. I mean, and everyone's got to do it their own way. But for me, if, if I get all of my stuff done, and it's like Sunday, right? I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ]." Uh, and then my anxiety starts. It's like, when it's quiet. Yeah. I'm one of those people where it's like, some people are just like, more comfortable in hell. Like, I'm more comfortable in hell. Like, when there's chaos and problems, I'm like, "Okay, let's [ __ ] chug three Red Bulls and figure this [ __ ] out." You know what I mean?

Um, so do you feel like, do you feel like you're comfortable like that? Because it's like, there's still so many other things that need to be done, so it's almost like a distraction from being anxious?

I think so. But I also feel like, so my whole thing is like, uh, how can I use this [ __ ] up thing, the disadvantage that I have? How can I flip it and use it as an advantage? Because like, the most successful people I've looked up to have like written about their depression or right, um, use some [ __ ] thing in some genius way. So I think that's my version of trying to do that. So there is that. But I also think that like, once you do that for so long, I used to be a nightclub promoter for for 15 years. I was really successful, for sure. And once, once you have the vibe, it never leaves you. But I used to host these really big parties and, and, um, you know, it was, it was really chaotic. And, and I had like seven or eight assistants who just quit after the first, you know, whatever. And they're like, "I don't know how you." I mean, my parents came to one, you know, towards the end, and, and it was like, for a charity event, you know, there's a thousand people all asking me questions. And they're just like, "This is, we're really overwhelmed. This is really beautiful, but how you've done this for 15 years?" Yeah. No. Yeah. So I, I feel like it's a blessing and a curse. Because you do things like that, and like, what's the next stressful thing? Oh, a podcast, right? Um, and I love what I do. But the, the tricky thing is, is once you, once you really start using your disadvantage as an advantage, and you start to like, get traction or whatever, A, you can't ever stop. And B, if you do take a little moment, that anxiety of not knowing what to do with yourself, it's like, I will stand in the grocery store. I wouldn't be like, uh, uh, avocados. Like, you know what I mean? I don't know what I don't know what the [ __ ] going on. So you, it's a blessing and a curse. And it sounds like, um, you know, you have similar aspects of that too, because you, you have taken breaks on your show. And I think that's like, [ __ ] healthy to do. Like, if you want, like, talk a little bit about like, what made you, because it seemed like you were cooking along bi-weekly episodes, yeah, for almost a year. And then maybe like, you were like, "I need a [ __ ] tap out for a second."

Yeah, I, it's funny because you're talking about all this, and I'm like, seeing so much of myself and how, yeah, how I've like reacted to these things. And last year, I told myself, I was like, "I'm okay." So the first year I started, I was doing weekly episodes. And I did weekly episodes right off the bat for like, three, four months. Maybe I just got completely burnt out. Because like I said, I have all this other [ __ ]. I'm a mom. I have a business. I have people working for my business. Like, there's a lot of other things happening. This was just a hot. So then last year, I was like, "I'm gonna do bi-weekly episodes." Like, not put as much stress on myself. And at the end of La, last year was a very difficult year for me, which I hope soon or in the future is something that I could, I can't talk about on my show because I think it would bring a lot of really good awareness to just life in general. But I have like, a lot going on. And then it just, my creativity just [ __ ] fell. It was just gone. And that's kind of like, to answer your question, what I've been struggling with, like the end of last year, the beginning of this year. I haven't made any, you know, this is my cap. Sorry. Cameo.

No, you're good. Any commitments this year because I don't want to over myself. And I'm still like, in this creative block. Um, which sucks. So yeah, I, I think I just, I get so overwhelmed because I want to do all these things. And I love this space and I love the podcast, but I, I'm in this like, mental creative block where it's been really hard for me to like, pull out what I feel like I need for the show because of some of those other like personal things that were going on, you know?

Yeah, I mean, that's, I feel like that's so, so many people go, do go through that, you know? And it's, it's like, uh, it's just something that you sort of kind of float around in until there's like an epiphany or or you like, [ __ ] force yourself. Like, I used to, I used to write a lot. And a lot of like, my writing would get bought up by like, like ghost writing companies, like blogs and like, whatever. So I would write it and someone else put their name on it, like kind of stuff. And, and I always wanted to do more like creative, whatever. And I, and I did. But again, like, when you have something personal, you know, and I have this whole manuscript that I, uh, at row originally as a screenplay. Now I'm like, "Well, maybe it's a book." And it's like, I'm only saying that because I don't want to finish it. And whatever. And so I'm like, I'm like blocked with that. And that's unfortunate because, you know, right in the middle of the pandemic, there was interest from from, you know, companies in Hollywood for it or whatever, too. But like, it's just sitting there. And I'm like, "No, I'm podcasting. I can't be bothered to write that." But like, I, I know deep down in my gut, I'm smart enough to figure out like, it's not gonna happen. So I go and write out a couple bad pages. It's like, "These are bad, but guess who's writing? Daddy's writing." Against. And then that's that's like, I just need to push myself. And I, and I feel that. And it's, there's nothing harder than forcing yourself to do something that you don't feel like doing.

Yeah, it sucks. It sucks because I, I love doing the podcast so much, but my, I like to do solo episodes where it's just me. And I've recorded a couple, and I just don't feel like they're good. I'm pulling. And, you know, that's why I'm glad you were giving me [ __ ] because I took so long to respond to you and book this, but which I appreciate. And I'm glad you reached back out to me because, yeah, I'm, you know, I have like, I want to create this formula for my show. But then I'm realizing like, who [ __ ] cares? Like, you don't have to do a solo and a guest, a solo and a gas. Like, just put it out there. Like, put yourself out there. Go on other people's shows. Invite people over to get inspired. And, you know, that's kind of this week. Actually, I did a show yesterday, and now I have this one today. And I'm like, "Okay, you know what? We're just saying yes."

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, oh, first of all, I was not trying to make you look bad. I was trying to like, actually like, like illuminate, like how psychotic I am, okay, for the audience, because they already kind of have an idea, but like, now we're giving them a little bit more. Because I just get so, when I want something, I just, I, I'm like obsessive compulsive, non-stop. Yeah. Um, and, you know, I, I gave you a break for like, a month or two, and then I was like, "You know what? I'm on this recording thing. She'd be perfect." So boom, then I reached back out. Yeah. Here we are. And yeah, and you're right, sometimes you do have to say yes, even to like, weird [ __ ] like that sounds kind of weird, but all right, [ __ ] it, whatever.

Yeah, you never, you never know what's gonna come from it. Exactly. Exactly.

Okay, so the podcast girl stopped talking. It's on, uh, well, it's coming back. And I'm sure your solo epic, because I do this all the time too, like your solo episodes, you think are [ __ ] trash or whatever. I guarantee you they're not. That's just your brain like saying, "Don't release those. You'll look bad." Um, and so are we on a brief hiatus still, or we're just kind of trying to figure it out still?

A guest on that one. And that's going well. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, we're on camera. That's so great. Yeah, we love that. Doing the most. Usually I have my score bottle so I can like score them and so it doesn't come, um, but I, you know, I, I wanna set something up for myself. I'm just, I don't know if I'm prepared yet. So, sure. You know, I, I would like to at least post one a month. I think that's kind of where I'm feeling today where I want it. Yeah. Is one a month? Sure. But, you know, my release dates on Mondays. If I can get two out bi-weekly, that's always the goal. Um, I'm hoping that my, you know, my creativity will be coming back a little bit. Yeah. And there's a, there's a bunch of episodes that are available for people to listen to because I listen to some of them as well. So they can go and like listen to that. And by the time this airs, you never know, you might have a [ __ ] you know, a moment where you just just [ __ ] go for it, right? But like, what's the elevator pitch for your podcast?

Okay, so, so right now, gonna start game planning to kind of tap into some of those things and be a little more consistent. The direction that I've been wanting to go with the podcast is what I do now. I guess maybe I should explain that a little bit because I don't know if I really did. But it's a sex, dating, relationship podcast, some, you know, comedic fun and stories, oversharing my own personal stories, um, to hopefully connect with someone else who's just as embarrassing as I am. Um, and I, although I love that song, so I wanted to bring in a little more empowerment into, um, my platform and the stories that I'm talking about in the way that will kind of open people's eyes to, you know, more sexual empowerment of like owning who you are, being comfortable communicating, like with partners, with your partner, doing things for yourself that make you feel good. Um, I've also feel like I've learned so much just from being in this space and, you know, really talking about like, proud to properly communicate. And, you know, if you're feeling anxious, or a friend hurt your feelings, like ways to guide you to be able to have those conversations so you're not talking [ __ ] about them to like, all your other friends, you know? Like, just little things like that. I kind of want to move into like, this empowerment space of, you know, helping men and women being able to openly talk about sex and not make it weird. Like, where it's 2023, like looking at what's happening in the world, right, right now, you know, it's like, sex should be talked about.

Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more. Um, and that's, you know, you, we, we share a similar mission statement with podcasts, for sure. I just felt like, uh, [ __ ] it, like, let's, let's talk about some of the crazier [ __ ] because it's not crazy. Whatever. And I think there's, you know, people who still want it to remain, "Oh, no, no, don't, you're, yeah, don't talk about the year, whatever." Uh, and I get those messages sometimes, but they seem to get angrier as the weeks go by. But, but you know, whatever, it's par for the course. Um, yeah, so I think I have a lot of questions. One, what would you say is, is the biggest thing that you learned from doing a sex and relationships podcast?

Um, I am a biggest thing. So simple, but it's really just communication. You know, I think like, as women, in my experience, like, it, with having sex with, with men, is I always expect, like, when I, before I started this, I expected them to know what to do. I thought, "Well, I don't have to do anything because that's their man, like, they have a penis, you know, like, they know what to do." So like, "I'm just along for the ride," type of thing. You know, pun intended.

That's great. That's great. Um, so I think like, one thing that really resonated with me, especially recently, is I think we have, as women, we think that the man should know exactly what to do. And the, what we've realized as adults is that, you know, a female's orgasm is very, can be very complex and difficult. And we still think the man should know what to do. I mean, that's crazy to me. I think that's like the biggest thing that I've learned is like, it's not a man's job to make you orgasm. And that might be controversial to some people, but that's like, coming from a woman, you know? It's like, I think as being with a partner, it's your job as a woman to communicate your needs to your partner. And that's how the orgasm is gonna happen. And it's still the man giving it to you, but, you know, you can't, like, everybody's so different. You can't just expect every single person to know how to get you off. I don't think that's fair.

No, that is [ __ ] giant. Uh, uh, I mean, there's a couple different ways we could go at this point. And like, I, I totally agree that that is something that, you know, the communication part plays like, right into that. And, you know, I saw some [ __ ] reel or something where, uh, it was like, they were simulating like, what a guy did where he's like, um, and the, the listeners won't be able to see this, but YouTube, you're welcome, but like, if the guy's like, like tapping on the [ __ ] and like going like that and like rubbing, like that is like, "Did you come?" And it's like, "What the [ __ ]?" But like, I'm a, I'm a man, you know, I've done those things and expected those results because of whatever the [ __ ] we're, we're seeing and doing and, and hearing. Like, um, and the other thing that I would add to that, that I think is really crazy, that I, I'm coming up against more and more and more doing this show, is on the internet, you know, there is so much advice, right? Like, "Take your whole palm and put it on on the [ __ ] and then like, whatever, just, or like, hold it there, put pressure there." Um, you know, the, the, the G-spot thing where it's two fingers up and then, you know, but okay, how far up? And go like that? And like, and yeah, and that to me is like, great advice. Appreciate it. Um, but every single person's body is different. And that person is right there. And although it might seem weird, you're so right. Just like, "Hey, does this feel good? Or does this trash? Like, what's up?"

I feel like there's like, one, like universal line that I feel like either sex could use, okay? And it's like, if you want to ask a question on how to get someone off, but you don't want to be like, you want it to be sexy. Like, I'll give you the first version. Okay? Like, let's say, uh, you're a girl and you wanna suck this guy's dick. You literally could just go and whisper into their ear and be like, "I want you to tell me how you want me to suck your [ __ ]." Like, boom, done. You're not even doing. You just do the work. They're gonna tell you exactly what to do. They're gonna tell you what they like. It's not weird. It feels sexy. I'm sure a man would be extremely turned on. Like, "Oh, [ __ ], she just like whispered that in my ear. Now I'm gonna get exactly what I want." You know? And then I think it can go vice versa too. Like, if a guy wants to know about a girl, if he could just be like, "I want you to tell me exactly what you want." You know what I mean?

That is incredible advice. Like, like incredible advice. It's simple, but it's like, it's hot. It's, it works, right? So yeah, I guess follow-up question. Why do you think people aren't doing it? Because then they have to cash out and leave the bowling alley early or wire water. Why are people not, not being as direct?

I think it goes, it goes to the same conversation of just not being able to communicate or not knowing how. Or maybe having, like, I think for me, like, I'm, like I said, I'm always in my head. So I think sometimes, like, in my own personal experiences, I would be thinking about like, "Okay, I want to like, dirty talk. Like, I want to say this." And I'm like, saying it in my head. And then I just have to tell myself, like, "Just [ __ ] say it, right? His dick is inside of you right now. He's not gonna care what comes out of your mouth." Like,

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. You know, so I think it's just like the fear of like, for me, for me personally, it was like the fear of like, sounding stupid. But like I said, I think like most men are just happy to be there. I don't really think in that moment they're gonna be like, "Why the [ __ ] did she say that?" You know?

Yeah. And, and so, and I would add to that, like, that's incredibly correct on both ends. I think because I felt like stupid, like, "Oh, I really want to say this [ __ ] up thing." And it's like, or maybe it's not even [ __ ] up, maybe it's like something basic. But I think, I think that for some reason, it's our egos, right? Because if we have to ask, we [ __ ] suck. Right? And in our heads, we all want to be like, you know, women want to be like, "Oh, I got all these dudes off." And, and man, like, we're like, our egos are giant. And we want to say like, "Oh, I know how to get women off." And whatever. And it's like, it's, we're, we're made to feel like we're failures if we don't know everyone's algorithm, which is so messed up. And, and that's something that I feel like really needs to be, conversations like this, like need to be happening like more and more and more.

Um, yeah, exactly. The thing that I would add to that is, uh, and something that that I do all the time is like, don't be afraid of sex toys. Like, if your partner does have complex, you know, orgasms, or or wants to take a long time, or whatever, you suggest [ __ ] busting out the [ __ ]. You know, the heater 9000 or whatever it is, right? Like, I, like the last two, for Valentine's Day and Christmas, I have bought my girlfriend multiple crazy sex toys. And I don't think she's ever had a partner that's done that. Because she's just like, "Oh my God." Right? And they're like, these really intense, kind of wild things. And like, I'm the one that's suggesting, "Let's bust that [ __ ] out." And I think there's ways to do that where like, you can still, it's not like you're just like, you know, waiting, waiting there. Like, you're having a good time. It's not like, it's not like that. Like, put your face, your [ __ ] face down there, right? Talk to her. Use your hand. Yeah, you can do these things. And I think again, it just becomes like an ego thing. I mean, is that, is that like, like totally vibe with what you are understanding about like men and sex toys?

I think it is. You know, I, I feel lucky. I guess lucky enough, like I don't think I've ever really been in an experience where like, I've been with a man who felt weird about bringing sex toys into the bedroom. But to be fair, also, I feel like the sex that I was having, um, when I was single, isn't comparable to the sex that I'm having now. Like, I look back and I'm like, "What?" Like, I almost don't even have words. You know, it was just like flings and hookups. Like, there wasn't any like conversation of like, "What do you like? What do you like? Like, let's try something new." Like, when you don't have like a consistent partner, well, I, I don't know. I guess I can't speak for everyone. But when I didn't have a consistent partner, I was like, "Well, I don't want to use like, the same toy on like, however many people." And I know there's other ways around that with certain toys and keeping them clean and whatnot. But if that just wasn't, it wasn't a part of my life then. So I think now where I'm at, and I'm in this relationship, there, it has opened up a plethora of conversation and, you know, stimulation and pleasure.

Yeah, no, totally. Okay, so let's, let's have some fun and flip this around now. How do you feel about women using toys on men? Right? Because now there's like these [ __ ] machines and like these like, uh, they're like, like fleshlighty kind of like, whatever. And they're becoming more prevalent. But I just feel like, yeah, there's still like, big stigma with that. Like, would you be comfortable using a toy on your partner? Or is that like, "I'd rather, yeah, why not?"

I don't care. I mean, like, we, you know, we use toys together. I do feel like now that we're like talking about it, I feel like there are way more toys for women than they are than there are men. Yeah, which I get, which I guess makes sense. But, you know, we've used like, [ __ ] rings and we haven't used like, uh, what are they called? Like, you, or you can like, jack them off. Yeah. So there's like, uh, there's an explosion in technology with, um, there's actually, there's literal machines that are like, you know, they're the size of like, uh, we're like simulator. And, and, and some of them now, I just had someone on the show, they were talking about it, but like, some of them are voice controlled. So you can program it like, like, uh, "Yeah, baby, gag on it," and it'll do a certain thing. And [ __ ] like, that's how advanced.

That's wild. It's like, yeah, yeah, totally. Well, yeah, exactly. Yeah. But they, they're, they're basically like, yeah, like there's like, there's flashlight, right? Where it's like, uh, uh, mold of like, usually a porn star or whomever's like vagina. And then you can [ __ ] [ __ ] that. And there's like, all these different things. But it's mainly like strokers, they call them, right? That's the main thing for for dudes. Um, that I've seen.

I feel [Music] I feel like, yeah, I mean, sure. But I also feel like if we're gonna be together, he probably just wants me to use my hands or my body, you know what I mean? Yeah. But no, I think like, you know, I think like majority of people who are in commitments or really interested in, you know, like the sex exploration, if you will, um, you know, they're open-minded people and they're interested in pleasure, pleasure for themselves and pleasure for their partner, or giving, you know, giving and receiving in different ways. So I think, yeah, [ __ ] more power to you, right?

Yeah. Well, it's just another, it's just a weird [ __ ] stigma thing. I feel like in another 10 years, we're all gonna have a chip in their brain where it's like, we program whatever the [ __ ] it is, and we're gonna have to get over it, right? So like, buy each other's sex toys. You know, I feel like I can. So I think if I was like dating someone and then he was like, "Hey, I have this like fetish that I," or this, wait, which is which? Fetish or kink?

A kink is fetish, as you can't live without it. Like, it has to happen. Better for you to come, right? So like, I asked this question all the time, and it's, it's a fun question because it like, it changes, right? And so that's where that's my like, sort of like one down. Yeah. It's like, it's like a kink is something that like, you love, it gets you off, right? It's like, "Oh, cool." But that can change. But like a fresh, something like, you need it. Yeah. Or at least you desire it more. It's easier to get off with this thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So if someone, if I was like dating someone and they had this kink, and they had like, one of those like full, like real robot, like people. I think personally for me, I'm not sure if I could get into it. But, you know, I don't know if I would be able to like celebrate that. Like, I wouldn't judge, but I'd just be like, you know, there's some things that are for me, and there's some things that aren't. So I think that would be like, one of the only positions. But to each their own, you know?

So if you, so if you, if you, you know, it's coming. Um, so if you had a partner and he said to you, like, "Hey, like, we've been, we've been together a little while, whatever, like, I kind of have this thing. It's like, really hot. I keep masturbating to it. I keep thinking about you and her." And you're like, "Where's this going?" And it's like, and the "her" is like a doll, right? Like, "I want us to have, I'll have a threesome. Like, she's not real. I'm not gonna, whatever. But like, let's all just like, [ __ ] around." Are you saying yes? Are you like, "I need some tequila?" Like, what?

Because maybe after like, a night out, it could be like a thing. I don't know. I mean, do, like, do their fingers move and stuff? Like, how, how interesting are they? Just like, I mean, I will still, like, stillborn? Is that where we're at? The stillborn sex doll?

So I think we're still on the stillborn phase, but they are moving, like to like, start to like, move and like, be able to go into positions and [ __ ] like.

That, let's say it's just stillborn. That was very, really bad terminology. I love it. I actually might name this episode "Stillborn Sextile," so whatever. Um, all sex toys. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I would really have to be drunk enough to think it was another person. Oh, okay. Like, I think that would be like, like full blackout. Stasia's here. Tatum's no longer in the building. And you know, maybe, you know, but like, but he would have to like put her away before I woke up in the morning. And then, and then you just don't remember anything. I would like to, like, you know, like, you know, like, like there's like flashes of like, okay, yeah, that happened. But I don't want to, like, wake up in bed with, like, my man and the sex. You know, you know, like, who's making breakfast? Right? Exactly. What the [ __ ]? No, it's that's great. That's [ __ ] right. What? Well, welcome to Sex Party. Um, yeah, okay. So, you know, the dot that we were going to top that. But, um, what would you say? Because you said you, you do overshare and like, you, you call yourself or you say, "Oh, I'm inappropriate. I'm inappropriate." Which I [ __ ] love because, duh. I mean, whatever, right? Um, stillborn sex style over here. But like, um, I think, uh, well, you said it right, but I just ran with it. Um, no, no, there are no regrets. There's no regrets. [ __ ] that the planet is melting. Okay? There's no regrets. We're here for a good time. Yeah, totally. What would you say is your biggest overshare on your show? Like, what is something you've like talked about? You're like, "Oh, I don't know, do I keep that in or what?" Oh my God. Um, I mean, one like comes to my mind, but I think it's just like the explicitness. Explicit. I don't know the word, but the like, um, the stories. Like if I'm telling a story about a situation or like a guy I dated and we like had sex, um, it's like all the details. So I just thought of another one, but I don't know if I've shared it. Well, there's no better time like the present. Tatum, totally, totally up to you. You've already talked about [ __ ] a [ __ ] sex story. Um, I, I don't know. I can't be that bad. I think it's just kind of it's like gives a little like gross, gross match. But it is relatable. Okay, [ __ ] it. I'll just [ __ ] say it. There was this one time I was [ __ ] this guy in the shower and, um, he, we're like mid [ __ ] and he's like, "What is, what is that?" And I'm like, "What?" He's like, "I can like feel something like hitting the tip of my dick." And I'm like, "Oh my God." I'm like, "Get out. I left my tampon in." So it was like last day, you know? And we had sex and I have my tampon in. So we're in the shower and I'm like fishing around trying to. I told you it's not that bad though. It's not that bad. Um, I couldn't get it. I couldn't. You see these nails? YouTube. I couldn't get it. I couldn't find it. So I was like freaking out and I was like telling this guy, like, "I can't [ __ ] find it." And he dead ass looks at me in the eyes and he's like, "Do you want me to try [ __ ]?" "Yeah, yeah, I want you to try [ __ ]. Get in there." Yeah. So he did, and he found it. And then he just like pulled it out and it hit the floor. And you know, then we went along with our merry way. So did you guys continue to have sex? Or was that? That was done. Yeah, no, we can. Yes, yes. We love it. We were in the shower. Like, who cares? And then I think the funny part of the story is we were at my friend's house, her shower. Um, and then the next morning I like woke up and had to text her and ask her if she could check the bathroom to see if the tampon was still on the floor. Oh my God, that's awesome. That's so awesome. It wasn't. We cleaned it up. But yeah, so I think, you know, this is this. Hi, but this is this is this is you. But this is human. You know what I mean? Like I have like someone I was used not to cut you off. Um, no, you're good. You're good. It's just human. You know, it's real life [ __ ] that like everybody would go and say publicly for the world to know. Yeah. But I, you're, you're an innovator in that way. And that's why I think whatever you figure out with your podcast, it's gonna [ __ ] sing and you're gonna [ __ ] nail it. You're gonna [ __ ] because because of what you just did. The ability to laugh with the sex doll and the stillborn and the [ __ ] whatever, right? And the that's what counts. Because then immediately now we're talking the aftermath, talking about how no one does that and this, that, and the other. So I, whenever you figure out what you're doing with your podcast, I just, I get these gut feelings about people. And again, that's why I wanted you here. It's gonna [ __ ] light up once you figure out what that formula is because you just, like, you have that thing that, um, that, that almost all of my guests have. And it's just like, man, I have to have that person. I have to hear that person's story. And if we have a good back and forth, then we'll collab again in the future. So you have all of that, right? Um, and you're not the only one that's happened to you. I, I used to know this girl, she's a complete [ __ ]. I'm not gonna mention her name now, but like, we used to be friends. She's a douche, but like, uh, uh, she's just very mean and weird and selfish. There's something under the surface there, probably. But she hooked up with this guy. She was drunk. Uh, she really liked this guy. They wind up hooking up and he was like, really [ __ ] her like hard, right? And afterwards, she felt really sick. And she's hammered as [ __ ] because she felt really sick. It turns out, same thing as you. She left her tampon in there because he was like, had a big dick and was like banging her so hard that it went so far up there that she had to go to the emergency room and have them go inside and pull it out. So you're not, see, you're not the only one, right? Yeah. I did an episode. My gyno, I know she's also with you. Her lashes so crazy. [ __ ] she's seen and had to like pull out of people's vaginas. And like tampons are like the number one thing along with, you know, a plethora of other interesting things. Yeah. Like, okay, well, what's, what's like number two? Tampons. Number, what's number two? Um, I'm not sure. I don't know if I can speak on that. But in the episode that we did, I, I think she said that she had to pull like a vibrating mouse toy out of someone's vagina because it got stuck. That seems common, you know? Yeah, yeah. Seems really good. I thought you're gonna say like a frog or something. I would be like, what the [ __ ]? Yeah, no, I'm the girl. She didn't even have a cat. So yeah, just kidding. You know that. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, people, people are curious. And and sometimes, you know, they don't want to wait for the Amazon guy. You might as well just shove the cat toy in there. Whatever. Oh my god. Um, you, okay, so you for your Valentine's Day episode, which is very good by the way, um, you did this this segment on on your on your whole face, right? And you and you kind of like [Music] you laid out rules for women having a whole face. And I thought like, we've touched on this a little bit on the show here and there, but, um, if you could like recap that, but also like the stuff about how like, don't do this, this, and this, right? Because if you're gonna have a whole phase, the idea is not to get attached. And this is how you not. And so if you could recap that, I think that's so valuable. Yeah. Um, for for me, this was so important because when I, I'm like, I'm a Libra and I am just fall in love so easily. And I have like romanticized things a lot. So I think it's like hard for a lot of women to be single and be want to be dating but not over romanticize these guys or these relationships. And so to break it down like quick, I think some of the rules to keep yourself from falling into one person is you need to have a roster. That's for one. Um, I also talk about like understanding your why. Like, why are you in the hoe phase? Like, what is your goal? What's your why? What's your goal? Like being clear on those intentions can set you up in in really understanding like what you want and not getting attached to one person and then like, you know, crying for three days because they ghosted you. You know? Laughs. So true. Yeah. So finding your goal, finding your why. Um, and then having a roster. I think I said like three or four people. Each person can serve a purpose. Like you could be dating the one you're really interested in. Um, you could be sleeping and with one and have them being your friends with benefits. So you're getting your sexual needs met. But then you're still talking to three other people for like, okay, I know this guy, he's not the one for me, but I can at least have some consistent dick in my life because that's also hard to find. Um, and then in the meantime, you can, you know, date three other people. Determine what you like. I think a part of dating a bunch of people is you're not putting all of your eggs into one basket. Um, you're kind of leaving room for like the mystery. And you're not always available. Being not available is great. I think because for one, I think guys love the chase so much. So not always being free when a guy wants to see you. Um, and then kind of going into like, once you start sleeping with people, if you're sleeping with multiple people, or there's just one person. For me, I have this like tagline. So I'm like, um, there's like the one rule for sleeping with people. Setting boundaries. Okay. If you don't want to catch feelings, you [ __ ] and you leave. No cuddles because cuddles lead to feels. You [ __ ] you leave. Okay. And how great is that for like, if you're seeing a guy, you have sex with him, then you get up, you put your pants on. He's like, "Wait, where are you going?" You're like, "Oh, well, like I have plans after this. I gotta go." And then it's like, "Oh, wow. Well, he's probably so thrown off." You're not gonna stay? No. Nope. I gotta go. So I think for me, that was like the big thing. Which is also just so fun to say. It's like, you [ __ ] you leave. No cuddles. Cuddles lead to feels. You [ __ ] and you leave. Yeah. No, actually, I, uh, I had a thing with a girl like that. And it was beautiful. Like, because I love that because I was like, you know, avoid an attachment. Like, okay. And she was whatever. I mean, eventually she stopped doing that and was like, "Oh, I'll stay." And I'm like, "Oh, whatever." But like, I respected it so hard, you know? I was like, this is [ __ ] great. You come over at 3 AM, you leave at [ __ ] 5:30. I mean, it's just like, boom. It was like a thing constantly. So we love that. Um, okay, I have this segment. I've recently brought it back to the show. I think you're perfect for it. It's called the burner. Oh, it's more rapid fire. Uh, it's more juicy. But we've already [ __ ] done a lot. Juice the whole [ __ ] thing. So whatever. It's wet over here. Yeah, I mean, there's [ __ ] fluids everywhere at this point with this episode. And robot fluids, everything. Um, it's like 10 or 12 questions. They're more fun. You can go through the burner or you can decline. So it's up to you. Okay. No, let's [ __ ] send it. Let's do it. Okay. Uh, question one. Name something you wish men would stop doing. Oh my God. I wasn't prepared for this. Okay. One thing I wish they would stop doing. Mm-hmm. I'm sending unwanted dick pics. Okay. Just don't. Just, yeah. For sure. Yeah. I mean, you can't, you can't just [ __ ] send the floppy dick. That's not. Yeah. Don't do that. Ah, name something you wish women would stop doing. Um, that's a man's job to make them come. Okay. Name something you wish you would stop doing. Spicy one. Yeah. See, we love. This is why it's the burner. Um, have, have you ever been to a sex party in real life? No, but I, I want to so bad. I would, I would love, love to. Me and my boyfriend were trying to figure delegate some some boundaries and stuff like that. So I'm open. Yeah. And like, I think the thing about sex parties that people sort of don't put into their [ __ ] logical brain is that if you go to a sex party, you can just have seven vodka sodas and chill and watch. You don't have to jump right in, you know what I mean? So great answer there. Um, favorite guilty pleasure. Does not have to be sexual. It could be like some [ __ ] candy or a Katy Perry song or something. I don't know. Whatever. See, favorite guilty, guiltier. It's probably just wine. Okay. It's not, not, it's not that exciting. No, it's, yeah. Well, depending on how much you drink, it could be exciting. It's great. Name a person, dead or alive, you get, uh, uh, you get to have sex with this person. You get to spend time with this person. But the catch is, it's only for 24 hours. My God. Sex and time, but it's only for 24 hours. Dead or alive. Yeah. It could be like a dead celebrity or something. Uh, um, wow, that's so hard. I'm literally trying to think of like, celebrity crushes. Yeah, you're on the spot. I mean, I know I have a thing for like, I've always had a thing for older men. So I think I think I just gotta go with like, with John Stamos. I. That's there you go. That's a great answer. Okay. But I feel like, but like, sure. Yeah. It's your day. You get 24 hours. The late '90s John Stamos. I would not be alone in that, in that choice. Um, uh, Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? Instinct? Uh, Spice Girls or Pussycat Dolls? Oh, I know that like, I think like who I am as a person. But I, here's the thing. Like I was a child when both of them were famous. But I think who I am as a person is full-blown Pussycat. Pussycat Dolls. So that's your answer. I think that has to be my answer. Okay. I can see that. I had coordinated garage dances with my neighborhood friends in fifth grade to their songs. Loosening up the buttons. Yeah. For sure. Um, okay. Uh, in the garage. Love that [ __ ]. Um, okay, briefly tell us one of your craziest sex stories. Um, one of my craziest? Oh, I don't know how honest I can be about it. Um, you can change. You'll have to. You'll have to listen to my episode. Diet. Perfect. The anal diet. Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah. I had anal questions on my thing too, and we didn't even get to them, but whatever. Um, next time. Yeah, there's always room for anal. Okay. So favorite comfort movie or show? Like, what are you, are you like falling asleep to like The Office or maybe Full House because you're John Stamos or what? Um, I go through phases. I think like all-time favorite show that I had gone back to for so many times is The Vampire Diaries or New Girl. Both of them just, you know, kind of brain melting. I've seen them so many times. Or like reality TV if I don't really want to pay attention. Yeah, those first two feel like two parts of your personality to me. So that's perfect. Yeah. Totally. For sure. Um, most, most used app on your phone? Instagram. Flaming Hot or probably not. So are you like a fan of Flaming Hot snacks and [ __ ]? No, not really. Okay. Probably not. Best kind of best kind of music to bang to? Oh, I think we do like a lot of like deep house or progressive house music. Not really an answer. Yes. Not really a lot of words, but like the beats are there. It's vibey. Yeah. Yeah. You're either like in a, a Blade Runner city or like out in space. Like I totally [ __ ] get it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it's good to work out too, too, sometimes. So there's that too. Uh, do you have a finsta? Do you have a fake Instagram account? No, I don't. Not on the trend. I have three Instagram accounts. I like all of all the things I do, but no fake one. Nope. Oh, the look you gave. You're like, uh, like for a second I thought she had one. I don't know. Whatever. Okay, so you do not have a fake Instagram. Okay, final question. You do not have to say names, whatever, but say something, make a statement to one of your exes. Wow. Um, oh my God, which one? There's two. I don't know. Actually, I'm gonna coordinate both of them. And one, I truly hope that you can get some help. Tatum Zoe, thank you for being on Sex Party. It was my pleasure. This episode was so much [ __ ] fun. Um, let's tell them where they can find you, where they can badger you for for episodes and whatever. Okay, awesome. Oh, first of all, like, thank you so much for having me. I had a question. You're so easy to have a conversation with. So, you know, thank you for allowing. Thank you. Um, you can find me on Instagram, uh, Tatum Zoe, Z-O-E-E-E, three E's. Uh, girl, stop talking podcast on Instagram. Girl Stop Talking on YouTube. I have a couple videos up there, not a whole lot. And and yeah, that's really it. My main plug is Instagram and then I got the YouTube channel. You can find my podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts. Yeah, and we'll link everything in the show notes so they can easily find. Thank you so much for being on the show. This is a [ __ ] blast. We have to do it again. So, you know, I could see you and I like collaborating regularly. So they can look forward to that. Uh, and yeah, we'll, we'll talk soon. Absolutely. Thanks. I told you it was a [ __ ] fun one. Thank you to Tatum Zoe for being on the show with me this week. Tatum will be back. I think we're going to be collabing on a ton of stuff in the future. She is awesome. Go check out all of her stuff. If you guys want more guests like Tatum, if you want to see Tatum again, if you love Sex Party, if you want Sex Party merch, how do you show that love, that desire, that appreciation for more? If you're listening on platforms like Apple and Spotify, you can subscribe to the show. That's the most important. You can also leave a rating. You can leave a review. You don't have to. I would appreciate it if you do. If you're watching on YouTube, if you're watching on YouTube, I love you. I see you. I appreciate you. You can like the video. You can subscribe to the channel. You can leave a comment. As always, you guys can find me in the DMs on Instagram. And I will see you back here next week. Thanks for listening. The party continues next. Follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at sexpartypod. Follow Dustin at Dustin Ripper. [Music]