Transcription
Okay, let's talk about something. Right now, people are asking me, "How's the dating going?" Dating over 50. Do I know how it's going? It's a [ __ ] [ __ ] show. It's a [ __ ] show. Is there anybody normal? Is there anybody normal? They're either an alcoholic, a drug addict, they hate their mother. Who hates their mother? A lot of [ __ ] guys hate their mother. Um, I don't know. Con con artist. I don't know. I think I'm going to be celibate. I'm giving up. Like what the [ __ ] is going on? I can't. I can't take it. Help.
Okay, I've been thinking about this. This is some free dating advice. So, men need you to listen up. Listen, we need to normalize first date yoga pants and t-shirts. Okay, listen. I got a a message from my best friend the other day. She's trying to get ready to go on a date. She's going from work clothes into date clothes. She just wants to put on a pair of jeans and a shirt. I don't know if you've realized this men, but us women that have hit 40, we start to sack on some pounds. You know, COVID, whatever, depression, menopause, our hormones are crazy. We're sweating to death. She's trying to put her pants on as she's driving down the road. You know, men know what we go through to try to look okay for you. She is driving trying to put pants on. She's having to sit on them to stretch them out so that we can suck them up over our bellies. Suck in, lose oxygen, and butt in our pants. Okay, this is extreme sports going on for us women.
Today, a man who has consistently asked me to go out with him. Finally, I'm like, you know what? Let's go. I start getting ready. The anxiety starts to rise, right? Because I cannot. I've shaved my legs. I have lotion on. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO PUT PANTS ON? IT'S LIKE A WET BATHING SUIT, okay? Trying to put some jeans on, trying to suck it in. I'm to the point I just I'm like, you know what? Screw it. It's too much work. I'm sweating. I'm going to have to start my makeup over. I'm gonna have to start my hair over. The bottoms of my neck is sweating. If you men would just call us and say, "Hey, you know what? Can you throw some yoga pants on, a t-shirt, maybe a little sweatshirt, and some tennies, and meet me at the sports bar? I've already ordered like five appetizers and a couple like a pitcher of beer. Honey, we're going to be there. We'll dress that for you eventually, but maybe take the pressure off that first date where we can just come comfortable, where we're not trying to stress about what we got to wear." AND I MEAN, FOR LOVE OF JESUS TRYING TO PUT PANTS ON after 40, it's not fun. It's not fun. We're sweaty now. We smell. We've got to take a whole another shower all over again just to come and see you for some man that may not even We might not ever talk to you again. So, normalize those first dates, those yoga pants, those t-shirts, those tinies. Let's just go have a good time. Let's eat. Let's laugh. Let's drink. You'll probably get to that second base a lot sooner. Just saying. Free dating advice, men. Free dating advice.
>> Okay, I'm back on the dating apps. It's been like 5 months, 6 months since my last relationship. I'm ready to go on a date and possibly meet someone. I have very low expectations. Not standards, but expectations of the pool I'm choosing from because I have a bazillion likes because y'all just swipe right on everyone, right? That's like the thing men do, I guess. I don't know, whatever. Um, of those likes, I would find like maybe five. So, I you liked me first. I said, "Okay, and then you just don't message. Why? I don't get it. I don't get it."
Okay. I'm here to let everyone in the world know it does not get easier in the dating world the older you get. It actually gets harder. [snorts] I actually had someone yesterday say, "I can't believe you're single. You're just so pretty." Okay. I didn't know that was a requirement to date. Uh secondly, uh yeah. No. But however, I will tell you this. I don't have time for somebody else's crap. Do you know what it's like out there in the dating world? Have you tried these apps? They're freaking terrible. They're like shopping in a thrift store. I mean, that's what dating at 50 is like. Who's the least damaged freak out there? And by the way, I have to turn around and ask myself the same question. People are saying that about you, too. So, that's why I don't date. That is why.
Hi, everyone. Here is part one of dating in your 50s. So, it's probably one of the most difficult things I think going dating in your 50s on these, you know, dating sites and apps is like trying to figure out the freaking Rubik's cube from the 80s. It's impossible. It's impossible and it's frustrating. And I just want to take the phone and slam it up against the wall. Um I I don't get it. I don't understand um why it's so hard to find somebody. Is it that everybody's completely broken? I you know I don't want to go on a date and hear about you know 3 hours of why your your wife left you or why you left your wife. No. No. You know ask me some questions. People sit there and they say nothing. How could you not have anything to say? I'm meeting you for the first time and you've got nothing. I hear crickets. You should have 10 million questions to ask. Right off to the off the bat. Done. Bye-bye. See you later. No.
Can anyone else relate to dating in your 50s is so terrible and confusing? I saw a guy on Tik Tok post how he always contradicts himself and I started laughing because I said that is so me. I mean I am emotionally available but yet I'm not emotionally available. I feel like I'm independent, but yet I'm codependent. I am not a needy person, but yet I am a needy person. Meaning, I need attention, but I don't want you to smother me. I want a relationship, but yet I enjoy being single. I want somebody to spend time with, but I don't want to spend all my time with you. So, I don't know. Does anyone else have this issue, or is it just me?
You guys, we got so many comments about dating in your 50s. And I think one thing to remember is there's a lot of sensationalism out there, but here's here's the here's raw and real. You want to hear it? The good news is that men and women in their 50s are both in their 50s. So, they either have they've either been married, they have children, they've had some kind of situation that's maybe made them feel not so great. Men don't date women in their 20s because they feel great. They date women in their 20s because they don't feel good. Women date men that are younger not because they feel great, because they don't feel great. And so what we're looking for, what I'm looking for is a man that's around my same age, you know, late 40s, early 60s, where between late 40s and early 60s, who are highly functioning, love their kids, have great jobs, are so happy with who they are. I'm not looking to like babysit anyone, and I'm definitely not looking to hear about someone's ex-wife.
I have a question. How do you date in your 50s? And I've been watching Tik Toks. You know, there's always the dating ones and it doesn't seem like anyone's fairing very well. And I know the dating apps are not the way to go. Um, I actually perused them a couple times the last couple weeks. That's not that's not going to be the way to go. Um, and you know, I've been I've lived in a van for over 3 years, so that was not conducive to dating. And before that, uh, my brother passed away. Um, and so going through that and CO and everything else. So I don't know. I I don't I don't know. I don't have high hopes. I don't think anybody else knows. But I thought I would put it out there. You know, when you're younger, you going places, you're going to bars or festivals or whatever and meeting people. And that just isn't my life. I'm in bed by 10:00. I work really hard. you. I'm taking care of my mom, taking care of her stuff. She's 95. My daughter's 23, so she's grown. Um, and I'm looking for I don't I don't want somebody who thinks that they have to take care of me. They don't can take care of myself or lead me. I can lead myself. I was thinking what I'm looking for is somebody who is a good friend because you know your friends don't think that they can solve your problems or they aren't um uh like jealous of anything and they are just there, you know, for an ear and to hang out with. But I want a friend who I'm attracted to and somebody who's laidback. I don't really want somebody who's type A, you know, somebody who's works 80 hours a week. Well, sometimes you have to just cuz you're trying to make it. But I'm talking about like that's your main focus. Is that um cuz I'm going to be 59 in a month and I want to I've traveled cross country by myself for over the past 3 years and I'd like to travel internationally. I'd like to live on a farm. I don't know. Is that too much to ask? Anyway, just putting it out there. Anybody have any suggestions? And yeah, I know like, you know, becoming part of a group, you know, maybe a running club, something like that. I just don't have the time for that. I'm working a lot myself. Um, so yeah, I don't know. [clears throat] Any suggestions?
You let me know what's worked for you. Could hang out in Menards. I love hanging out in Menards. I'm kind of a DIY kind of gal. Until I redid my whole van myself. I love Menard's. I love Home Depot. And I'm not adverse at this point in my life to going up and talking to somebody. Um, but what would you what do you even say like to break a conversation as a guy? What would you know and then how do you get from there to there? Cuz people are so I don't know. We're so into ourselves now. I think we're so used to being alone after co that, you know, we're kind of lerary of things or we don't know how to socialize anymore cuz we're on this thing thinking we're socializing. Anyway, okay. Any ideas would be helpful. Thank you and have a great day.
Can somebody please explain to me why dating in your 40s sucks so much? Because, you know, I've been divorced for a number of years now and I have five kids and life is crazy and um you know, I've spent a lot of time uh taking care of myself, taking care of my kids, working hard, uh putting myself through school, da da da da da, and then, you know, I finally get to a place where I feel like I'm ready to add a person into my life, right? So, I start dating and it's either guys who just want to have sex with me or you start talking to them and then they ghost you or 500 like you but none of them even send a message. And it's just ridiculous. And the reality is I don't go to the bar. I don't drink. And um I don't want anything to do with that scene. So really and truly, how do you meet people now? Like this this world is so different than it was when I was in my 20s and um before I got married and and all that stuff. And now it's like people are really far away or um you chat for a little while and then it stops. And I'm just curious if there's anything out there that's just marriage out of convenience. You know, two people who want a partner and to not live alone anymore um to help pay the bills and all that stuff. So, you know, I mean, if you're willing to do a marriage out of convenience, let me know cuz maybe I'm at that point where I'm not an ugly woman. I am not a difficult person to get along with. I am positive and upbeat and happy. Um, I love my children so much. Um, but I also want a companion. I want a best friend. I want somebody to dance with me in the kitchen. I want somebody to walk by and slap my ass as I'm cooking dinner. I want somebody to help and to hold me. Are there men like that out there anymore? Because I feel like there's not. I'm really quite disappointed. Um, so anyway, I just figured I'd put my little two cents out there that dating in your 40s is sucks and I wish it wasn't this way. So anyway, have a blessed day.
I just had to come on here and rant. Dating over 50 absolutely sucks. It sucks. Do men ever grow up? 58-year-old man. Do they ever grow up? I don't understand it. So now I've been dating this guy for 4 months and I've given him chances on his stupid behavior which I shouldn't have. But he's a nice guy. He does have his quirks, but I He did something. Now I want your opinion on this. He said something that he shouldn't have said and any other person I think this would have did them and they would have broke up with him. So after everything else being penciled in, um only having time for me when he's not with his friends and when he's not with his social club, like only having time with me in between all that other stuff. That right there was already ticking me off. But this really pissed me off. We had a clam boil here with my friends and they wanted me to invite him. Fine. I invited him. He was here with us. We had a clam boil. Girls all wanted to go listen to this band that we really like. So, I invited him. Oh, I really don't feel like going. Well, I really want to go. So, I kind of left it up to him. You can either come with me or you can go home. I'm sorry. This was supposed to be my day with my friends. They chose to invite you to the clam boil. I want to go now. You always do your thing with your friends. I never ever cancel I never ever pencil you in. You always pencil me in. So he went because it was either he goes with me or he has to go back home and not stay the night. So he kind of didn't really want to go all the way back to Cranston. I live in Westport. So anyway, we go. Him really not wanting to go. We had a great time. He loved the band. He loved the music. We danced. We had a great time. We get home and we're in the car. And he says, "You know, I really didn't want to go." Which I knew. I had a great time. And I said, "Yeah, me too." He's like, "And we danced. We hadn't danced together yet." Four months into a relationship. I said, "Yeah, we did." And do you know what he said to me? You know, out of all those women in there that wanted to come home with me, I chose to come home with you. What the [ __ ] is that? Who says that? First of all, what makes you think that all those women wanted to go home with you? He's cute, but he's not God's gift to women. And why would you say that to your girlfriend? I was speechless. I didn't even know what to say. Like literally, I got out of the car. I got in the house. I went to the bathroom. I changed my clothes. I got into bed. He got near me and I told him, "Don't [ __ ] touch me." And he looked at me like, "What? Do you realize what you just said to me? Who says that?" Like, who says that? Am I wrong, girls? Am I wrong? What guy who really cares about a woman would make her feel that insecure and say something like that? What guy is that conceited that he thinks that all those women in that place want to go home with him? And what guy is worried about all the other women in there and not worried about his own girlfriend? Now tell me that is not a reason to break up with someone. What do you think? I would like your opinion on this. Please help a girl out here. This guy's 58. He's not 18. And let me tell you, he's cute. He has nice eyes, but he looks like he's 65. Okay, you tell me what you think. Please tell me. I out of all the women in that place tonight that I know would want to come home with me, I chose to come home with you. All I got to say is [ __ ] dating. Is there one decent, good man out there? [snorts] Please, girls, what would you think? What would you say? And what would you do? I need an opinion. Please help me out here. Thanks.
So, I'm finally off work, which is amazing cuz my feet my legs are killing me right now. But like, when did dating get so hard? Why is dating in your 40s so freaking hard? It's like at first people will tell you all the things you want to hear and then you go meet them and then out of nowhere they come up with like all this nonsense you didn't discuss beforehand and kind of just throw that [ __ ] at you. And like this just recently happened to me. I went out on a date with somebody a few days ago and I thought we had like enough in common and it was like okay I can you know I can work with that. I can maybe compromise with that. like I try to be accommodating and and then after we meet it was I want to get another cat and then I want I want land and I want all these animals and I'm like look I'm looking to settle down and like quiet my life. I already work hard. I work at Walmart. I'm tired. Like my legs are hurting. I don't want to come home or even be home. Yeah. I'd be uh all the uh and have to take care of all these animals, all these farm animals and all these pets. And I was like, "No, dude. I I don't want to I don't want to take on all this work as I'm getting older. Like, I'm I'm going to be 45. I don't I don't want to be taking on farm animals at this age. Like, no." And I was like, "What would I get out of this?" And his answer was, "Well, you won't starve." Is that it? I said, "Well, no. I'm looking I'm looking for someone, you know, that'll love me and not abuse me." And he's like, "Well, you're looking for a fairy tale." What? What? Love is now a fairy tale, you guys. Like in 2025, people don't love no more. It's all about work, work, work, work, money, money, money. Who can you take advantage of? And you like, oh my god, I couldn't believe that response. I was like, nope. I'm done. I have a job. I can buy my groceries. I don't need to come be a babysitter, a free laborer. No. No, we're not doing that. So, yeah, I passed on that one. I won't starve. Like, what? I don't starve now. I buy groceries. I can't. What happened to the world? Has anyone had any luck dating in their 40s? Like, what the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] you guys?
On a good note though, I got to play Fallout the other night when they had the free flash not glowing masks and I got the one I wanted. I only got to do like five events cuz I had to go to bed for work in the morning, but I got the glowing sun. I was so excited. So, I have that in my collection. Anyways, I'm just kind of like clearing my thoughts right now. But this is why I don't meet anyone. This is why I don't go date. I've been single so freaking long. I come home from work and I get on my computer and I play my video games and I have fun and I don't starve. [laughter] So yeah, I didn't I I don't know when dating got so complicated. It was never this hard. It used to be super easy and now it's like what the [ __ ] wrong with you people? What is wrong with the people out there? Maybe that's why they're single. [ __ ] Maybe there's something wrong with me. I don't know. I don't think so. Anyways, I hope you guys all had a great day. I'll be back at work tomorrow. It'll be just me. I'm sure I'll be super busy. But have a good night, guys.
There's men on the dating apps that are talking about how they want to be active all the time and all they want to do is hunt and fish and be on the lake 24 hours a day and they like to run and do marathons and they don't like to sit still and they like to be busy all the time and just go and they have a big group of friends and blah blah blah. You're not for me. And that's fine cuz I'm probably not for you. Because if I was to list off my hobbies, if that's all that my dating profile, just a list of my hobbies, it would go something like this. Napping, shopping, going through the car wash, making Tik Toks, being antisocial. I'm kind of obsessed with doing laundry. I take a lot of things back to UPS for Amazon. That's kind of my social hour. I like to get my nails done at least every two weeks and a pedicure. So, if you can keep up with that, then we're golden. But I'm not going to be able to keep up with you and your marathons and your circles of friends that do all kinds of [ __ ] because I'm 52 and I'm just ready to slow down. I'm not ready to be faster. I I I just don't see how I'm ever going to have any luck on these dating apps because of this situation. So, are guys really that busy? Do they really want to go go? Where are the men that want to just come home, make a nice dinner, go for a walk, watch some TV, and go to bed? Where are the men that want leisurely weekend trip and don't want to out watching sports and eating appetizers with their friends and everybody every night or going to parties constantly or at the lake 24 hours a day because I'm just not that person. not really hopeful that I'm going to find somebody that is a little more like chill.
Um, so I have like an a general inquiry general English general inquiry. Now, I haven't dated like dated since 2013. That's 11 years ago. [snorts] Now, if you think back to 2013, most of you can't, the dating scene was different. There was no like Instagram had just come out. There was like I don't know if dating apps existed. I don't know. But it the influence was not there. You met someone in the wild. I met my ex-husband in the wild. It was great. It was a great time. The dating was beautiful. It was so non-toxic. It was great. coming out of a divorce two and a half years ago and like I've seen people in between, dated a little bit, but now I'm like throwing myself back out there. What What happened? What like when did humans become not humans? When did like women and men like relax and men become like a choice or like something that you just like I like I don't like that one swipe or like oh if it doesn't work out with that one no worries cuz like I'll just find another one or no this is too hard I'm leaving or yeah I thought I was ready but yeah I'm really not or I have too much trauma so these are all my problems and they're probably going to affect our relationship So, no. Or yeah, I really like you. I really like you and I want to keep seeing you and taking you on dates, but like you're probably not going to get a commitment from me. So, we're just going to stay that way for a long time. Sorry. Like, what happened? Honestly, if there are genuine people out there, genuine, who just have old school values, maybe it's like a European thing, I don't know. I was going to say w but then he was going to be like it's so offensive. It's not if you are one. Where are the old school like nice traditional values and like the normal dating like send a message. Hey, like without being weird, you know what I mean? and like the not playing games and this like I get it. It's hard to meet people in the wild. It is hard these days because everyone thinks you're like trying to crack on. No one knows what your intentions are. Like I get it 100%. But also like if you don't try, you'll never know. But also please be normal. Like like I just want to meet someone really like just just normal and nice and genuine genuine who doesn't leave who doesn't ghost. What's this ghosting? I never had that. I've never I'm like I never had that 11 years ago. I never had that 2 years ago. what happened to the quality of people. I'm still stuck 11 years ago. And I love that. I think that's the best quality about myself is I will always have old school traditional values. And I'm like, man, there are not many of us left. And I know that there are men out there who would appreciate someone like me. But damn, where you at? Where are you? I'm waiting.
Some people like I see some videos or like some people and it's a little bit cringy. They'll be like this is my official dating profile like on Tik Tok, but I feel like I've become one of them. I mean, that's a little like attention grabbing. I'm like, well, DMs are going to be flooded now. Like, relax. And they're usually like gorgeous men. Um, but please don't get me if you're like an old man. That's all I ask. I'm 29, single mom. Yeah. I'm not saying like it's my dating profile. 29 single mom. No, cuz we get it. Baggage. [snorts] But also, maybe I would meet my husband through Tik Tok. Should I do a series? A dating series? I'm intrigued. Let me know what you should what I should do. Let me know what I should do. Should I try and find my husband on Tik Tok? All I ask is that you're you're not a creep. Please just That's all. That's all. Anyway, that's all I have to say. Enjoy your Wednesday.
Is there like a secret underground club where all the good men over 40 are hiding? Because I clearly did not get the invite. Cuz every man I run into is either married and looking to have an affair, gay, married and wants a threesome, or freshly divorced and still trauma dumping. Meanwhile, living in his mom's basement and calling himself an alpha male. Like, did the good ones vanish in 2005? And don't tell me to try the dating apps. I tried that. And I met a guy who wanted to tell me all about his giant tapeworm. I met a guy who lived in a van down by the river, literally. I met a guy who looked nothing like his dating profile. I cannot.
Hi. Happy Monday. I hope everyone had a great day. Um, yeah. I will say it over and over again. I hate this time change. Gain an hour of sleep, my freaking ass. I just wake up either at the same time that I normally would or two hours before, which is what happened last night. But anyway, I digress. I watched the games yesterday. Yay, Broncos, Sad Chiefs. Um, but I just had this bright idea that even though I'm a very smart girl and I very much know that dating apps in 2025 is not the way to do it. And I have paused all but Facebook dating. I'm like, "Hey, let's download Match." Because this summer I did download it and it was the first time in like 3 years and I actually had really great connections and I actually met someone that I dated for six weeks that I still have to share that story. Um, so I thought, well, maybe. And like the connections that I had, I didn't actually meet them. I just had met this other guy and had gone on a few dates and I'm like, I want to focus on that. And I let them know and they were kind and I'm like, maybe they're on there cuz I never got their phone number. So, I download a match and I hate match for a few reasons. One, you can't see [ __ ] without paying nothing. Two, after you pay, which I paid $35 for one week, which was asinine. If someone likes you, you can't just swipe left on them and they're and they're gone. Like, when you go to their profile to see if you like them, it shows them if they pay it, it shows them that they looked at your profile. So, they can continue. So, then they can go back to your profile even if you've swiped and re like you again or send you multiple messages. So, you have to block anyone that you are just not interested in. You have to go through the process of blocking, which isn't that big of a deal, but it's annoying. So, I set my height preference, my distance preference, and my age preference. And I swiped for about an hour like praying, "Give me somebody good. Give me somebody. Give me somebody." Left, left, left, left. Five likes. I sent five likes in an hour, hour and a half. and I ran out of people within my preferences. [snorts] So, I lowered the height by an inch and I expanded the distance by 5 miles. Five distance is probably one of my biggest things. I commuted back and forth from Denver, like South Denver to Longmont is where I live for 3 years. And it literally depressed me and put me in such a negative head space that I literally tried to half-heartedly, but I did. There were other things involved, but the but being on the road that much was horrific to me. And the majority of the people that I match with that are in that Denver area or north of Fort Collins, when we come to a point where we're like, "Hey, let's meet." He's like, "Yeah, can you come to Denver or do you ever come to Denver?" And so for the first even date, they're not willing to go come halfway or come to me. You're out. I'm I just know that it's going to be that they're not going to want to come and be with me, that it's going to be me having to go to them. And I'm not going to do it. I'm just not. So that's why I have like such a big thing about distance. Under 45 minutes is ideal. Under 30 minutes is best. 5 minutes is great. So, I got finally someone else liked me and I ended up liking them back because I was like and he was gorgeous but he lives over an hour away and so I'm never going to meet him. And then today I matched with a guy who lives 4 hours away. Never going to meet him. He said that he's free cuz he's a empty nester and he can move wherever for the one. But I'm not going to be driving 4 hours every other weekend. He would have to come to me. like we even haven't even done a message yet, but I am not attracted to to any of them. Like, or their pictures are horrible or their profile is horrible. Like, none of them. None of them. And I'm really trying to keep an open mind, but I'm looking at all of these 40 to 50 year old men and I'm like, who the [ __ ] are you? And I'm not attracted to women. Like, I would love to be a lesbian. can't go there. Try like kind of tried it once, couldn't do it. So, I'm attracted like I want a man, but literally there's been two people out of hundreds that I've swiped that I have actually found attractive. Are other women having this trouble in this age range? I'm 48. Is it too late for me? Like, I just I think I'm pretty cute most of the time. Sometimes I look like a homeless person, but I mean, most of the time I'm pretty cute. The pictures I put on there are definitely cute. So, it's 2025. Dating apps are not the way to go. Preach it to me, Rhonda. It is 2025. Dating apps are not the way to go. Just Just say it over and over. Be nice about it. Don't be rude, but just let me know in the comments. Okay, bye.
Do have a story for y'all. So, there was this guy I was talking to. He was into me, whatever, and I was actually into him. And I told him, I need a man that's consistent that shows up and that's intentional. That's the bar is low, y'all. The bar is low. We went on a date and it was good. And then he got sick and I was like, "Oh, you want me to bring you some soup? Y know?" I said, "I'll come over and sit with you." I made all these offers and I got, "No, no, no, no. All right. So, I quit trying. Then he started feeling better. We still ain't planned no dates or nothing. And um things like we still talked a lot. We talked on the phone. We text about every day, but nothing was happening. There was no progression. You hear me? No progression. So, what' I do? I started dating other people because I'm like, "This this ain't going nowhere." Anyway, he found out I've been dating other people and then sends me this message and he's like, "Ah, this is why I'm reserved because I know you're out here dating other people. I don't want to just be somebody else that you call." Then don't be okay. Don't be. Either make yourself first or take yourself off the list. I'm not going to sit and wait for somebody else to maybe show up for me. I'm not going to give you exclusivity if I can't even get a hey girl. You want to go on a date Thursday night to the Outback? No. If I can't get intention, you don't get exclusive access. You sir decided to just sit there like a rock. So, you know what? One monkey don't stop no show. One thing that you got monkey. [music]
>> Am I being too much? Y'all tell me. Y'all be honest now. Tell me. I do not think so. All right. Love you, man. Bye.
Story time of how I got catfished into going out with an NFL player. I know that sounds absolutely insane, but if you listen to it, you'll understand what I mean. So, I matched with this guy on Hinge and I had seen his profile a couple of different times. Like sometimes you'll see the same profile like once a week and you're like, I've already exed that out and you wonder if the app knows something that you don't. Is there like some high compatibility that the app knows about that I'm missing out on? And so, a couple days later, he liked my profile. And when I saw like the thumbnail, I knew exactly who it was cuz I looked at his profile and thought like his photos were really funny. Like they tickled me. And a lot of people just aren't funny on their profiles at all. So I really thought that he was he had to have been funny in real life if he was able to communicate that just through the pictures that he put up. But there was also something about the background of the photos that he had online that was very specific to me. And I have to be sort of vague cuz I'm not trying to identify anybody in these stories. They're just like for fun. But um it wouldn't it wouldn't stand out to everyone. It wouldn't stand out to a lot of people. But to me personally, I have an interest that led me to believe that he had the same interest from the background of his photos. And I thought, okay, regardless, we're going to have a lot to talk about. I had 10 bucks says we have a bunch of stuff in common. So, we match. We start talking and we're just talking on the app, like on the app messaging portion, which is weird. I don't normally stay there, but he has no interest in moving off. I always let the guy ask and um he just never did. We got things in common like I'm asking him like my I ask people what time they get up in the morning. I never ask people what they do and he's got the right answers. It's like 4:30 or 5. That's the same as me. We're both up. We're both working out. We're both super into fitness, you know. I ask him about another hobby or whatever what he does in his free time. He's like, "I'm so into bread baking lately. Like I've gotten so into baking sourdough." And I'm like, that's crazy because that has always been my hobby for 30 years. Like I have my family's wanted me to open a bakery. I've baked for restaurants growing up. Like I am a really good baker. And so, you know, we're exchanging recipes and talking about it. And so he says to me, "Let's go out. Let's let's go out." And I said, "Okay, let's do this." He's like, "Let's go out on Thursday." And he's like, "I got to go. I got to go to work." And I don't really again, we haven't moved off the app. I don't hear from him for a while, but I don't have like a ton invested in this, you know. Um I'm just sort of like, oh, it's it's an interesting, you know, like I'll have a lot of things in common with him. It'll be interesting to go out for a drink. He sends me a message through Hinge and says, "Give me your phone number. I am going to FaceTime you at 3 and we will go out at 7 tonight." And I'm like, "Cool." Like a man that takes charge. Cool. So 3:00 rolls around. Oh, and then I go and I look at his profile later in the day and it's gone. And I'm like, "Oh, he unmatched for me. I guess we're not going anywhere." And if you online date, that [ __ ] happens all the time. And you're like, "Whatever." So I'm like, "Oh, I guess we're not going." But at 3:00 my phone starts ringing. And so I answer it and it's him FaceTiming me. And he looks exactly like his photos. I look exactly like mine. He's like, "I'm so relieved. Like, you're totally normal. You're funny. You're cute. I've snuck out of work. I'm just taking this call, but we're on for tonight. Um, here's my address. You know, park at my house. I'll wait for you and we'll walk to go get a drink because the area is super busy, has terrible parking. Um, but I know the area well. And so, I'm completely comfortable. I'm like, "Yeah, okay, that's great." So, I show up at the time he's waiting out in his driveway. And I have a sourdough starter that I made for him. So, I have a 200-year-old um New England sourdough starter and he's got one that he uses that's from the other side of the country. So, mine's very different. He sees it and is like like just, you know, I think he's a little mind-blown that I put any thought into it. Doesn't cost anything. You know, I just have it. You feed it and you split it and bring it. And um so I think for him he was already like super excited like, "Oh my god, she's nice. You know, she looks like she's supposed to look and she's really nice." And my first impression of him is like Jesus Christ, he is enormous. Like this man is a full straight Viking. Okay, there's no other word to describe him. I think people who are 6'4 or tall, he is pushing 7 foot. Dude, I am 5'4 on my best day. So like, we are so mismatched. It feels weird talking to him. I'm like, [laughter] so we go out, we have a drink, and while we're talking, I say to him, "Hey, I like your tattoo. Um, it's really interesting that you have that, but I'm not thinking it's that weird because, and again, I'm not going to tell you what the tattoo is of because it's too identifying. Um, and again, I don't think it's that weird that he has the tattoo because I think it ties into what he does for a living just from a couple of things that he's mentioned. And he says to me something about the tattoo like I'm uh I don't understand what it is. Like somehow I've misunderstood what it is. And I said, no, I know exactly what that is. It's this. I wrote my college thesis on that. Exactly. And his mind is just like [laughter] and I said, um, and he's, you know, asking me a million questions. He's trying to make sure like, how do you know this? Like, this isn't in your wheelhouse. And I'm like, but it is in your wheelhouse, you know, and he's just looking at me and he's like, well, that's not what I do for a living. And I said, well, what do you do for a living? Like, I'm confused completely at this point. and he's like, "Um, I I play football." And I don't know. And like when he when he said it, I was like, "Oh, oh, like arena football." He's like, "No, [laughter] NFL football." And I was like, "Huh?" And I all the wheels are turning like, "Oh my god, this is why he didn't move off the app. This is why I didn't give you his phone number. It's why is when he gave you his phone number then he completely deleted the match with you so you couldn't screenshot it and I'm like does he think that I have any idea who the hell he is but I don't know because I don't know who he is so I don't know how well he's known [snorts] anyway so we talk about that just like you know a little bit in passing he mentions that he's going out of town he's got a whole team going with him and I'm confused as to what the hell he's doing out of town um he mentions something about me going out of town with him um he wants to take me sightseeing and I'm like, "Okay, sure." You know, now I feel like maybe he's just blowing some smoke up my ass because I do not know who the hell this man is. You know, who am I with right now? [laughter] And so, whatever. He kisses me goodbye. He tells me he's going to be out of town and he'll give me a call. And um he in fact goes out of town for two weeks. I go home. I Google him and I'm like, "Holy shit." Okay. He is in fact an NFL player. He's played for several teams. And I I can see like, you know, whatever. I don't expect to hear from him again. You know, I'm just like, what? That was kind of a cool experience. But he does. He texts me while he's gone. And then when he gets back, he actually calls me. And I've gotten back together by this point with the person that I had been broken up with. And nothing ever came of it. The guy that I was seeing that I had been with and broken up with played college football. So when we got back together, I said, "No, I This was the only date I went on. When I went on a date and [laughter] ended up being an NFL player, I had no idea the whole time that I was on the goddamn date. I thought he did this thing that I'm super interested in. This like kind of art thing that I'm super interested in. [laughter] That's why I went out with him. He was like, "Well, what who is he?" And I said, "I'm not I'm not going to tell you who it is." And he's like, "What position does he play?" And I'm like, "I don't know. I never asked. I don't like sports, but I could tell you everything about all of his hobbies.
>> Hi. Get ready with me for work while I [sighs and gasps] just ramble about it's loud men and dating in this
It's the day and age. It's like impossible. I feel like lately every person that I meet that I'm just like, "Oh, this could this could this could." They can't. It won't. It just is all about sex, I feel like. And they just want to start talking about it immediately and like, "Hey, your girl, I know that people on this app know my daughter, so I'm not going to go into it, but I can get down with that." Absolutely. When it's time. Like, why are we so rushing to it? Why is it like the second we start talking one day, two days in, it's like, oh, blah blah blah blah. And it's like, bro, I don't I don't even know you. I've met you once. I haven't even kissed you. Like, what what are we talking about?
And then if you're a top-tier woman as I am, and you set that boundary and you're like, "Hey, I kind of don't want to talk about this immediately. Like, let's hang out, see where it goes, and then we can, you know, maybe get there." And they're like, "Yeah, yeah, I agree. I'm so I'm like that, too. I agree. Let's just do that deal. I respect that." Then next thing you know, [ __ ] crickets. Like, cool. You w up my ass like wide on rice for 3 days talking to me every second wanting to know all this stuff. But the second I tell you I'm not going to engage in that type of activity now all a sudden. Oh, I'm [laughter] so busy. I've been on the go all day. I got this and I got that going on. Oh, cool. But you didn't have that going on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday when you was trying to talk about that. Okay, I get it.
So, my lesson I got to fix this hair. My lesson of the day is unfortunately you can't believe anything that they say and [sighs] you're better off being single for a while because we need a new batch of boys or men. These guys just aren't they're not anywhere. Okay. Love you. Bye.
So, I met this guy. We were talking for about 2 or 3 weeks before we decided that he was going to ask me out on a date. And low-key, I ain't even really like him like that. He don't have TikTok. I don't even like him like that. Um, he's not my type, but I was like, you know what? My mother and my grandmother always said like, always like a guy a little less than they like you. So, I was just rolling with it, you know?
So given the fact that I'm a single mother and the nature of my job, it took a lot of planning for me to map out when we was going to go on this date. So this was last week. So we have been talking about it for a couple of days. Okay. Um I'm off Thursday and Friday last week. Let's go Friday. We could go early in the day. My son get out of after school at 5:30 so I can scoop him up and then go home for the weekend. He was cool with it. He even came up with the the plans for the date. And I'm like, "Okay, cool. It wasn't dinner. It was an unconventional date. We was going to go to a shooting range." I'm like, "Cool." You know, I haven't been in a couple of months. Yeah. Stop playing with me. Like, I was actually looking forward to it. And he was hounding me the whole week. You sure we going Friday? You sure we going Friday? I'm like, "Yeah, we going Friday. Relax." Friday comes. I wake up to a text message. Oh, I got to watch my son. And granted, I applaud you for being a present parent. I will never get in the way of anybody's parental duties because I know how it is. But the fact that you hounded me all [ __ ] week to go out on this date is [clears throat] beyond me.
So now we roll around to this week and I'm on my two-week vacation. He's planning out my days. Oh, you said you off for two weeks. You don't go back to work until the 31st. Yeah, but you don't need to know all of that. I don't need you to know. I don't need you to be making my schedule for me. I told you the days that I was going to be available. I got other [ __ ] to do. So he like, "Oh, you going to be down in the Bronx today? Why don't you pull up to Harlem to my job? Come."
>> Okay. I'm 47. I'm single. Contemplating dating, all that jazz or just remaining single. Someone asked me the other day, "What is my deal breaker or what are my deal breakers currently?" Um, men that well act like boys obviously. Um, but the big one is men like around my age cuz I can date older or younger than me if I wanted. But I feel like men around my age, some of them haven't even started families. I'm done. I'm a grandma. So, I'm just curious as to what other people's deal breakers are. Um, and if I'm being too harsh, cuz I don't necessarily want to date someone that has young kids. Um, just because I have that freedom and flexibility of just taking off if I want, not having to plan things too far in advance. I mean, I have a dog, so but I'd just be like, "Hey, somebody watch a dog." But I'm just curious. Um, another one would probably be smoking or a really heavy drinker. Drinking on occasion is fine, but somebody that has to have a drink as soon as they get home and have multiple drinks a night instead of just I'm going to have a beer after work, you know, kind of just relax, whatever. I mean, that's cool. Um, and then a heavy smoker. Um, I don't smoke. I just h, you know. Um, yeah, those are my hard passes. So, I'm just curious, what is other people's hard passes?
>> Well, this is a drastic improvement over what I looked like before I put the filter on. So, there's that. I'm going to tell you a story about dating today. Dating at 40, which is a nightmare. Worse than dating at any other age, I swear, is dating at 40. Last weekend, I went out on a couple of dates, which is unusual for me. Usually, I don't stack dates like that. I went on a date on Friday night with a guy who was really sweet, but there's no potential there. He is still married, separated, but that's not something I want to get myself into because who knows? Maybe she comes back and he's like, [sighs and gasps] I love you and I want to make us work out. So, no, he was really nice. We had a nice time. That was it. Haven't heard from him since. I think he got the picture.
Saturday, I went out with another guy who I had spoken to and we had planned on having um coffee and then going to going for a walk and then getting lunch somewhere. Um that's a lot for me. Usually on a first date, I like to just have something super low-key and casual so I can get out if I'm not enjoying myself. So, we got coffee, took a long walk, and we went to lunch. I thought it was going really well. I thought we were hitting it off. He was making a lot of eye contact with me. Seemed really interested. We were talking about things like common goals and ideals and morals and we all seemed to be on the same page. It was working out pretty well even though I lost my contact at lunch and had to see him basically through one eye the whole time. The next day he called me and asked me to go out this coming Friday. So between Sunday and now we texted maybe like once a day. He was always the one who initiated it. Okay. Even just to say something dumb like, "How's your coffee today?" or whatever. like something stupid like that.
Um and then um a few days ago, because a lot of you who know me know that I'm into perfume, so I was organizing my perfume and I was like, "Oh, hey, by the way, what do you like to smell on a woman?" Right? Not even thinking anything about it because that's not serious to me. And then um yesterday I cooked dinner and sent him a picture of it and I said, "Maybe I'll cook it for you sometime." After he [clears throat] told me it looked good, he then calls me and says, "This is moving way too fast. You can understand." I was seriously gobsmacked. Way too fast. We've been on one date. We've exchanged a handful of texts. Every communication was pretty much initiated by him. And he's the one who kissed me after our first date, by the way. So, here I am thinking to myself, like, are there any men out there who are not flakes? Honestly.
Um, you know, thinking that going on one date where you initiated the kiss and told me I really hope we can continue this and then you continue communicating with me and then I say something about maybe making dinner for you sometime and asking you what perfume you'd like me to wear on our date and you tell me it's moving too fast. Come on, dude. Grow up. You're not ready for a relationship.
So, I just have to rant for a minute if that's all right. I normally don't talk on TikTok. Like, I do funny videos or like lip sync or whatever, but I am just absolutely appalled right now and I just have to speak on it. Like, so I literally have gotten three text messages tonight from three random guys um that have my number that I mean I I'm so, you know, associated with them, whatever. Not like friends, like just kind of met them like in the last couple months. Never have gone out with any of them, never have like went on a date or anything like that. But the audacity that these guys today think that it is just okay to immediately text you like right out the gate. Hey baby, want to come over? Like you want to uh come ride this stick or you know like some [ __ ] like the [ __ ] I am 45 years old. I have two children. I have a grandchild. Okay, I have been single for about 6 years. I was married pretty much my entire adult life. Married twice, divorced twice. Not planned that at all, but I've been single for about 6 years. And I am just I'm a very positive person. I'm very happy person. Um I'm like the life of the party sometimes, I guess. I just I get along with everybody as much as I can. Um, so I just was sitting here and I was thinking, you know, at first I didn't think anything about it, but then the second one messaged me out of nowhere. And then a third message and it wasn't like, "Hey, how are you doing? How's your day going? You know, how's work? Um, so nice to meet you. Uh, would you like to go on a date?" Anything like that. It's just right out the gate. Do do I have like I want to have sex with everybody on my forehead or um text me for sex? I mean like I don't give that vibe at all to people. So I don't know where that comes from. But I'm just like, is this what this really world is today? Dating area. Like I'm good. Like I'm good. Like I'm so good by myself with my cat and my dog. I'm good. Because that [ __ ] is so disrespectful. And I just text all three of them back and said, you know, I really would appreciate it like you know if there was a hi, how are you? But a [ __ ] you even would be great. But you know, don't come at me like that. Like I'm 45 years old. I think we're good. How about you go find you somebody that you know is young and sprung. Maybe maybe I'm just being old and grouchy. I don't know. But either way, your thoughts because I ain't having it.
So beautiful souls, in a nutshell, I'm going to fly. I am going to first love myself. I radiate better. I feel my essence. I'm more connected to self. I'm not having to distract and direct my energy to try to figure out this man if he's going to be safe for me and such. I'm just going to focus on me. And honestly, not only do I feel better when I'm single, I make more money. I sleep better. I feel more connected to God when I'm single. So, if you're contemplating whether on dating and such, honestly, I I would just buckle down on romanticizing your life and focusing on your goals and really working on loving yourself and making sure that you're feeling connected to yourself on a daily basis and on an hourly basis. Just checking in with yourself because no man is worth that misdirection unless he is coming humbly with a knee with honesty.