Transcription
They say the feminine attracts, but what if you've been unknowingly pushing it away? I didn't fully understand this until I started to receive things without effort. And no, it wasn't because I was just lucky, but because I finally stopped rejecting the energy that wanted to love me.
Welcome back. I'm Katarina, and I wanted to share something personal today. My journey with the dark feminine, with burnout, and when I stopped chasing and started receiving.
I always felt magnetized by the dark feminine. Not necessarily how the archetype looks, but just the essence of her, how she holds herself. She doesn't overexplain. She doesn't force herself to be understood. And she only reveals her truth in spaces where she feels safe.
I wasn't always like that. I used to feel like I had to share, overshare to be accepted or shrink my depth just to fit in. I heard the word "too" so much in my life, and probably a lot of you have too: "too much, too deep, too intense." And so what did I do? I tried to be lighter. I tried to be easier.
But I have always been someone who lives in layers. Like I have always had depth to me. I'm always asking questions or thinking too deeply. My mind moves deeply. And the more I swayed away from that, the more I tried to be palatable for other people, I really lost myself.
If you've seen my other two videos, especially the 12th house one, then you know that I lived a very long time with burnout. And that meant I was in a constant place of doing. I felt like my worth was tied to how much I do, not who I am as a person. And I thought rest was something you had to earn. You know, I grew up in the era that was: "You rest when you die," or "Don't come in early, stay late, and eat your lunch at the desk." And I did. I did all those things, even when I was sick. Even when my body just literally needed to rest. I was forcing myself to do things. My body was screaming at me to just be like, "Just sit down. You don't need to prove yourself. Just please let me do my work. I have to heal you."
I was 17 when I first had symptoms. And I was 20 when I reached full burnout. Those days, I couldn't walk up the stairs. I was in and out of hospital for probably the majority of my 20s, up until at least 26, 27. I was really barely able to function, and yet still, I felt lazy. I created businesses in that time. I did a course on naturopathy in that time. I would sell at markets, make clothes, and then sell at Spitalfields Market. And I had no rest. My body would be on a cycle. I would do the market, and my body would crash out for 48 hours, and then I would get up and sew and make clothes, and then I would just push myself until I was doing the market, and the cycle would carry on again. The thought in my head was: "Once I make enough, I can rest." But that day never came.
It wasn't money that I needed. I needed a whole new identity.
Everything began to change when I met a man. And no, this is not a love story. This was an unhealed man, and possibly a little bit toxic man, but he was a masculine man. He led, which let me soften. And for the first time in my life, I didn't control anything. I let my softness lead. I began to accept help. I started allowing the smallest luxuries. This was coming from a woman who never ever did anything. I mean, she didn't do her nails. She never did her hair. She would walk around in clothes that obviously showed that she didn't really care about herself that much. So, having the smallest luxuries, like doing a pamper night, doing a face mask, actually caring about what I put on my body and face was huge.
The more I let go and entered into my softness, the more opportunities came into my life. Men would send me money. They would send me gifts. I've had a man cancel a first date and Monzo me money to say sorry. Now, I'm not saying that that's what you should strive for, but my past self would have said, "Oh, no, no, thank you." And now I'm like, "Well, no, actually, I was excited for this date. I spent time getting ready for this date, and you have canceled, so yes, thank you." And it wasn't about the money, it was about the energy.
After all of these experiences, it finally hit me when I realized the universe is always trying to provide for me. But when we reject what's being offered, sometimes because we don't feel worthy or we don't want to come across too needy, we are rejecting that love. We aren't protecting our independence. We are rejecting divine love.
Here's how I see it now. The universe, God, Source, the Creator is masculine in nature. It's active. It's trying to give. Our job is to receive, to create, to be. This doesn't mean you sit back and do nothing, but it means to learn to trust the energy that wants to support you. You stop micromanaging everything: your path, what you want to do in life, your manifestations. You stop over-giving to just prove your worth. And you start moving in a way that says, "I'm already enough. I am supported. I already know it is safe to receive because I am always supported."
This shift didn't come from mindset work. It came from me realizing I needed to embrace the shadow feminine. The part of me that kept over-delivering. The part of me that wanted to give and give and give in order to feel worthy. I felt like I had something to prove. And it was the part of me that didn't know she could receive because ultimately, she didn't feel safe. She didn't know it was safe to receive.
And I think my past relationships and what they've taught me is that you have to have a beautiful mix of light and shadow because the softness is there, and it is beautiful. But I attracted men who liked control because of that. And for a while, I didn't stand my ground. I let the man lead in areas of my own life. And I realized that I was missing one integral thing in this feminine journey, which was my power. I have a voice, and I have power, and I have a beautiful mind, and I don't need to please anyone with that.
If this feels like it's hit you, or it feels like maybe that last bit, the power bit, ignited something within you, then I invite you to something that I have been creating. It is very dear to my heart. It is called the Dark Feminine Wealth Codes. It's not a course. It's not a workbook. It is almost a soul manual. It's a blueprint. It is for women who are ready to walk in their shadow, to embrace their shadow, and rise and take power and reclaim their wealth and their magnetism.
Inside, you'll find a financial shadow archetype quiz, and then prompts specifically for which archetype you feel like you resonate with more. It has five planetary wealth codes in each house in each sign. You have personalized and specific prompts for you to cater to that. So, for instance, Pluto in the first house in Taurus, you've got that. You've got Venus in the sixth house in Cancer, you've got that. It is so targeted to your natal chart. It is so detailed to your planets and your natal chart. It has the money house breakdowns and prompts for those, which sign rules those houses. And it has like a dark feminine-esque rewiring process. It's got meditations. It's got audio activations. It is your complete blueprint for your wealth rebirth.
I am truly excited about this one. If you could put one word to embody what I'm obsessed with, it is rebirth. We are constantly evolving and constantly transforming, and I'm obsessed with it. So, the portal officially opens on the 5th of May, but the waitlist is now open for that, and those on it will receive access to an exclusive discount before the full price launches on the 5th of May. If you've been feeling a little niggling inside of you that you really want like an epic transformation, specifically in your wealth, then this is your sign.
I want to end this video with asking you something. When someone offers to help, do you say yes? When the universe sends you a blessing, do you accept, or do you find a way to decline? Your relationship with receiving is affecting your financial reality. And the feminine doesn't beg, she doesn't chase, she opens. She is a portal in herself.
I'd love to hear in the comments more about your relationship with softness, with rest, with resistance. If you want to go deeper, then you are welcome to subscribe, and I will see you in the next video, which will be on Venus and financial magnetism, which I'm very excited about. Thank you so much.