Transcription
One of our great qualities as human beings is our ability to adapt. And through history, we have adapted to physical challenges, environmental challenges, and today we are being faced with accelerating social change that requires adaptation.
I've been thinking for a long time about this, and I think that in order for relationships to work in the modern world, we need something new, because what we have no longer applies. The environment has changed too much. So, with uh, women making more money and being better educated and becoming more and more independent, it creates opportunities that we didn't have before.
I don't know about you, but taking on responsibility for a full-grown adult and paying all of her bills and being her uh, you know, counselor, friend, whatever, for the rest of your life—you know, that's just a lot. It just is. Like, I really wish that I had a better understanding of life when I was young, cuz I would have made a lot of better decisions. I think the problem with being young is you're forced to make all these decisions, and you simply don't have enough information to make good decisions.
So what is the uh, the alternative? Well, that's what I want to talk to you guys about today, because I think there are some really good alternatives out there. One in particular that I think might just be the answer that a lot of guys can use to achieve the kind of relationship that you want in your life without risking a lot or even sacrificing very much. So that's what I want to talk about today.
So when you're young and you're starting off in life, you don't have a lot of experience, but you've got this uh, algorithm that you're following that everybody else, everybody else follows, about, you know, going to school, getting a job, finding a place, you know, getting married, having children, and all that stuff. And so since you don't have much experience, you just have to trust that this system actually works. Unfortunately, it no longer applies; it really does not work very well for most people, most of the time.
Um, if you think about it, if you um, do get married, you know, it's just a matter of time before um, you fall into one of these categories: either A, you're going to get a divorce—usually it comes after, sometimes after 7 to 10 years; that's about how long it takes for people to get really fed up with each other—or B, you're going to be relatively unhappy—not necessarily completely overjoyed with your marriage; it's going to be tiresome, and you know, it becomes a question of whether it's worth getting a divorce. I mean, she's she's not terrible, she's not evil, but at the same time, you know, living with her really isn't as much fun as you would hope. You haven't had sex for a long time; um, the magic has gone, the spark has gone; you know, you're just sort of existing, coexisting with this other person who you happen to share a lot of history with. So you do have some decent conversations from time to time, but it's not that great.
Um, or C, there's about, I would guess somewhere in the ballpark of 3 to 5%, maybe even as much as 10%, but I'm going to stick with the 5% number, of people who are really, really, really happy in their marriages after say 20, 25 years. Um, and that that number may even be high; you know, I may be wrong. So the odds are stacked against us going into this thing, and we don't really realize it when we're young.
So what we do is we find some pretty girl or some girl who at least put up with us, and we marry her. And as soon as you move in with a woman, what happens is you have to start making compromises, because the um, the pain required to push back on a constant basis, the amount of persistence it takes to push back against all of the the nuttiness is just too much; it's just overwhelming. And quite honestly, you know, men prefer not to fight, because fighting always leads, you know, historically, to somebody getting seriously hurt or killed. So this is a person that we love; we don't want to fight, we don't want to argue, we don't want to put up any resistance; we're just going to go along.
So it starts off very insidiously; she's going to start organizing the house, and then she's going to start directing you to put things where they belong, and you're going to go along with it because you're a reasonable, non-psychopathic human being. So you do it. Well, from there it just builds and builds and builds until suddenly she's setting the agenda for everything. And now I know you guys, you super red pill guys, oh no, no, no, that never happened to me. Yeah, I will; it absolutely will. When she's holding the gate to sex, and you want sex, and you're having sex all the time, you don't want to disrupt that at all. Not only that, but you just married this girl, you know, I mean, you're totally in love with her, so you're under the influence of all these, you know, neurotoxins that we call hormones that are affecting your brain and causing you to feel like you're in love. And so when she asks you to do something, of course you're a man, you're going to do it; you're going to do whatever she wants; you're you're going to be accommodating. But you don't realize that every time you accommodate each one of her things, it becomes like a little power game; it's very slight, and it's so subtle it's almost unnoticeable. I mean, you just sort of sink in; it's like standing in the sand and suddenly you realize it's quicksand once it gets up to your waist, and then you're like, holy, I can't get out of here.
So getting into a marriage kind of creates this um, this prison, and you don't realize you're in it until you're you're deep in it. So you fall into this little prison, and you don't really realize you're in it until the door is locked shut. So in the beginning, she moves in; um, you're probably providing a lot of the um, resources to keep this little venture alive. So your job has become much, much more important now than it was before. So before you get married, you can quit your job and do anything to support yourself; like you can adjust your lifestyle to your job any way that you want. Um, so if you got a really great job, but you hate it, pays really well, and you like, this man, I don't want to do this anymore, this sucks, this doesn't feel right, well, you're not sure what you want to do, you know, you could um, you could do odd jobs, you can do gig economy, you can do anything; you can do anything that you want just to earn a little extra money on the side while you figure yourself out. Well, now you you can't do that anymore; now you're you're locked in. So that job now has it owns you, and because this relationship owns you now, this job owns you. And then once children come, oh my God, just slam the door shut; you are not changing jobs easily; like you are not going to be um, uh, taking any chances with your income because everyone is dependent on you. So you start to feel a little hemmed in at work and in your life, and then at home, like I mentioned earlier, she's starting to take control; it's like it's her house, she's organized everything, she wants everything back in its place, she's taking care of all all these things, so you feel like it's her domain. So now you're sort of subjecting yourself to her. So you've lost all of your power; you don't have power to control your life and your occupation because you're dependent on this income, and you don't have a lot of power at home because this OCD woman is got everything set up exactly the way she wants it, and now you just have to comply with whatever she wants, otherwise you're going to be facing a litany of fight after fight after fight after fight, and all you want to do after your stressful day is just relax, just just relax, just chill out for a while.
So that's how these marriages all fail; that's basically it. And the key element to this whole terrible scenario is cohabitation; that's it; that is absolutely it. When you have a woman move in with you, you have lost your space.
Now I know there's a lot of guys out there, and I am one of them; I love being a father, and so I get you guys want to be a father; you want to have a family. I think that that is like one of those rites of passage; I think it helps you as a man in so many ways; it gives your life purpose; I mean, there's just so many great things about it; I can't even can't even tell you all the benefits that come from being a parent. But you know, there's that caveat; you know, there's a woman involved in this process, you know. So now you're going to have to make a choice: your freedom in order to have your child. Well, I think you can have it both ways, and I'm just opposing this. So rather than having just, you know, single or married, I think that we could have some kind of an unmarried relationship where you have a relationship with a woman, a long-term relationship, but do not let her move in with you under any circumstances; do not allow her to move in with you; that is the death nail on your relationship.
The wonderful thing about women today is they're capable of making money; they're capable of supporting themselves. So find yourself a woman who can do that, who can make money and support herself, and make a deal with her; say, look, I want to have a family, but I don't want all of the baggage that goes along with being married, because I understand that these relationships don't work out in the long run; that they they tend to fail. I have found that since my divorce, my relationship with my ex-wife has been better in many ways. Now I don't want her back to my life as a full-time person; I don't certainly don't want her living with me ever again, but it's nice to have this pleasant conversation with a woman that we have a lot of history with. So it's not like that whole 20 couple years of my life was just wasted and gone. This post-marriage relationship, in many ways, is better than what our relationship was at the end of our marriage, when we're still not having sex, but there's um, at least a a much more authentic sense of um, where we each stand, and uh, and we can share a lot of nice memories, and um, and it's good for our kids, and it's just it's just much more pleasant.
If you can achieve that, so what if you could achieve that post-marriage, you know, benign happiness um, without ever getting married? You know what I mean? So what if you could have an unmarried relationship with a woman, have children with her, have some kind of a contract in place where custody is predetermined by contract, you know, that you're going to spend 50%, she's going to spend 50%, and when you guys get together, you can create this, you know, you know, kind of semi-clear family; you go out and do things, go to Disney, take cruises and vacations, but when you get home, you each go to your own home; sometimes the kid comes to your house, sometimes the kid goes to her house, and it's just totally natural and it's easygoing. And the benefit to this, the benefits are just unreal.
So first of all, you still have a space of your own to call your own; you still have your personal identity vested in your space, and I think that's what happens to a lot of guys is they lose their personal identity, because you're playing a game, a role when you're at work, and now you've got to come home and you got to play along with this um, OCD compliance program where you are no longer capable of putting your clothes where you want or putting the dishes where you want or even just, you know, sitting on your own furniture.
So if we could have this unmarried relationship where we have this ideal scenario where um, you know, you come across a woman, you have a really great relationship, you know, and you just don't want to screw it up, and you say like, I really love you, I don't want to screw this up; getting married screws things up, and um, yeah, let's have kids, let's set up an agreement, and uh, let's take it from there, because I think that in that kind of scenario it would be possible to have have a really great relationship with another woman or with a woman without having 90% of the the negative parts of it. Now there's still going to be some potential negatives; I mean, all relationships are hard, all relationships require, you know, maintenance and growth, but you're going to avoid some of the biggest um, drawbacks of of marriage. And I think really what the the biggest drawback of to relationship, to marriage, to living together is boredom. You know, people say um, what is it, uh, familiarity breeds contempt? No, it's not familiarity; it's boredom. When people are living together and they don't have that separation and that opportunity to think about the other person in an ideal sense, um, they uh, they get fed up with them. You know, I I mean, just living with anybody, you just get fed up with them. I remember even my best friend in college, seeing him every day was like, you know, but I just need I just need to go hang out with somebody else, you know, I mean, we were best friends for like 20 years. So yeah.
Um, also, you know, when you're seeing someone every single day and you're around them all the time, you're sharing the same space, the same bed, the same bathroom, the same shower, there's just so many things that can just rub you the wrong way; you've just got to kind of push aside and say, okay, I'm just going to sacrifice that, I'm just going to put up with that, I'm just going to deal with that, and um, yeah, and you just can't get away from it, you know. But if you each have your own place, well, now you got a place to retreat back to; you have a place where you can go and just relax; you don't need to see her every day; you can put things off to the weekends; you know, you can manage your own your own finances, your own um, your own home; you can still have your own hobbies. And uh, I know this is an ideal set of circumstances, and I know it doesn't apply to a lot of people; it's going to be really tough for people to do, but if you can pull it off, oh, I think that's the I think that's the ticket right there. You keep your place, she keeps her place, you guys share a kid between you, no divorce, all everything's taken care of by contract; you still have the romantic part of it, you know, when you get together on the weekends or whatever; kid stays with you sometimes, kid stays with her sometimes; you can still have your own extracurricular activities; you're still hanging out with your friends; she's hanging out with her friends. And if for whatever reason the romance breaks down, you don't need to get a divorce; you know, you've already got a contract in place regarding the kid; you just go to being friends, and you start hanging out with, you know, your whoever your new girl is, and you still have um, 50% custody of your kid, and you haven't lost all your or half your income in that process.
Now maybe this won't work; maybe I am dreaming; maybe this is just some kind of a a pipe dream, but um, let me know what you think; let me know what you think in the comments, cuz I think this is a I think this is a stroke of brilliance right now. All right, you guys, that's all I got for you today; uh, please like and subscribe, and uh, remember, stay healthy, and if you can, you can stay single and still have kids. I'll see you later.